The church loves to wax poetic with increasingly meaningless and even archaic words and phrases. This is stupid and unnecessary--not to mention causes great annoyance and offers reason to roll eyes and shut the rest of the talks out of your head.
It does a good job of homogenizing the members, and I totally get that every group has its own little vernacular. Still--really?
When you speak, especially when you "bear your testimony" (ugh), words such as the following are often used and IN SUCCESSION. They take away the sincerity of what you are saying.
To quote my English teachers: Use your own words. Please.
Also: List will be added to, so check back often.
Adversary: I swear it's like the people in Harry Potter who were too scared to say "Voldemort."
(not three times, tho, because then he'll pop through your mirror and eat you alive.)
Adversity (see also "trials" "tribulation"): Shit happens. Just say it.
Bosom: Are you serious? I'm not entirely certain what a "bosom" is. And lots of things give me a burning inside my "bosom"--gorgeous, nekkid men for instance. That must mean they're true.
Brethren: I believe this is synonymous with "pious old guys with power issues"
Calling: This word implies something of great importance, such as being called to a lifetime of service and chastity (such as the nuns), not of being the new ward "usher" until the bishop or whoever else decides you're needed elsewhere. You know? (Thanks, MC). Let's just say "responsibility" or "(not so) fun thing I'm doing because I want/have to help"
Every Fiber of my Being (see also: "And please bless that those who could not be here today that they may be able to come next week"): Self-explanatory.
Fervent: Can't y'all just say "I prayed super hard"?
Fornication: A friend of mine taught me that this is incorrect. The correct spelling and pronouncement is FUNication, which obvs changes the entire meaning.
Goodly Parents: What about those kids born of "badly parents"?
Happiness: I know this isn't exclusive to LDSisms, but really. They use this word but I do not think it means what they think it means.
Inappropriate: If you laugh when your best friend's mother dies, you may be acting inappropriate. A teacher in a micro-mini with a top on the verge of a "wardrobe malfunction" is inappropriate. A married man or woman engaging in heavy flirting or having an affair: inappropriate (not to mention disrespectful and immoral, I would add). Blatant sexual harassment on the street or in the workplace: inappropriate.
Some things are inappropriate. Not everything.
General profanity among friends is not. Skanky dress on a night out is not.
And if you find something like that "inappropriate," please don't use the word. At least not as freely as you do. It takes away its power. And it's annoying.
Modest: This word sets us girls back about fifty years (at least). Shorts are not immodest. Neither are tank tops. Cute little dresses are cute, not immodest. Multiple earrings are not going to make an investigator think "well, shit. she has two earrings in one fucking ear. I dunno about this religion."
Then again, nothing turns me on more than a nekkid knee.
Don't even get me started on nekkid shoulders. /pant
Moisture: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST SAY RAIN!
Obedience (and its many forms: obey, obedient, et. al.): I'll obey, sure, but only if you give me a doggie treat after.
Ponder: You're not Henry Fucking Thoreau. "Think," "study," "consider," "mull over" and "think really hard" work just as well here.
Preside: Don't you mean "Be in charge of"?
I know, I know. "no, it can also mean 'be responsible for,'" but I'm a grown woman. I don't need my husband to be responsible for me.
Righteous: Only acceptable for use if you're a Ninja Turtle, hail from the '80s and your vocabulary also includes words such as "gnarly" "tubular" and "rad(ical)"
SSA (Same-Sex Attracted): Very PC, General Authorities, Very PC. I know how polarizing (and not to mention *shudder* normalizing) the terms "gay" "bisexual" and "lesbian" can be, so bravo.
Strive(-ing): Doncha mean "trying hard"?
Sweet: My family is not "sweet." Neither is the "Spirit." Dessert, however, is. So is my tooth.
Temporal: TEMP-OR-ARY. Please!
Tender: This word should only be reserved for meat or bruises. Not for use as an adjective for "mercies." Isn't that a little redundant?
I mean, I've never heard of a "bitch of a mercy."
Although, that does sound cool.
True, as in "I know the Church is True": What does that even mean?
(Un)Worthy: Face it, this is a nicer way to say "good/not good enough." Why parse words?
And, to end:
Virtue: So ladylike!
Want more? See also Nails on a Chalkboard: Phrases
Anything you'd like to add?