I know I had this up before and then took it down, but what the hell. Names have been changed to protect the member.

DILF: The huuusband.

Squeaky: I met Squeaky in August 1999 at our glorious community college bookstore where we both applied and began on the same exact day. She introduced me to the church. While I had a difficult time accepting her rejection of our friendship following my initial disaffection, I'm growing to accept it. Welcome it, even.

MLDSFDTS: Shorthand for My-LDS-Friend-Down-The-Street. I met her when we first moved into the first house we bought. She, as it says, lives right down the street and used to be a bestie with my ex-bestie. She's an active member, but often gets chastised for her "inappropriate" statements and "foul-mouth." She tells the people at church to leave us the fuck alone. She is awesome.

Bernie: AKA "ex-roomie." Couldn't have ever asked for a better roomie. She is my sister, a person who has seen me at my worst and continues to love me anyways without even a hint of a flinch. Yes, active in the church. But definitely one of the better. There needs to be more of this girl.

SIL: So I'm not exactly creative on this one, and I have, like, three sister-in-laws (not counting the three half-SILs and one step-SIL), but chances are that if I simply write SIL I'm talking about my ex-bestie who I met back in 2001 who got it in her head to hook me up with her brother who was still on his mission. She didn't think anything would happen. It did. Kind of the beginning of the end of our friendship, too.

(H): This girl in my stake with whom I have a very weird history and relationship with. We don't really get along. While I've become more liberal, she's gone way conservative. Glenn Beck conservative. We're civil, but we don't respect each other very much. Whatever, you know? But she's great for post ideas, so you'll hear about her.

Everyone else should be fairly self-evident. If not, lemme know but check back here just in case I added it last minute.