Thursday, September 16, 2010

Project Party?

Okay. So.

My oldest, my daughter, picked out a best friend on, like, the second day of school last year. We found out shortly thereafter that this little friend was--yes--Mormon.


And so it would follow that this little girl's family is in the stake. My husband knows her daddy. Went to school with him. We'd both heard of her mom.

So sometime after learning this, I went over to her house to meet her mom and let the girls play. Her mom is an exceptionally nice lady--quintessential Molly Mormon super-mom, but exceptionally nice. I think she was the first person I told "hey I'm not going to church," and she basically said "oh."


She throws these parties. And by parties I mean karaoke, live music, tons of food, hot tub, etc. etc. etc. No kids allowed.

It's a sober adult party. Which is fine, but still--the hot tub thing kills me.

She's invited us to at least two of these parties so far--we couldn't make it to the last one .

But what I cannot figure out is her motives--and I know that sounds really paranoid, but I hear all these stories, you know? From other people? For the most part we've been left alone around here, which is both relieving and conducive to some paranoia. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I can't figure it out. I don't know what her other callings have been, but she's now the second counselor in the RS (she wrote this big note on facebook about it and--well, I'll spare you. you probably know what it said anyways) and she knows we're inactive.

Anyway, what I'm trying to figure out is this: are we invited because our daughters are friends, because we kinda-sorta know each other, or because we are inactive and need to be fellowshipped?

A combination?

I honestly don't know if I want to go either way. Social obligation says "yes, go." I've no reason to say no unless this is an activation effort and we can't find babysitters. But there'll be SO MANY PEOPLE THERE THAT DRIVE ME NUTS. People that do not put me in the have-fun-be-social mood unless it just comes, which it does sometimes. It's not a question of alcohol. I don't need alcohol to have a good time. It's just...these aren't my people. One who is attending is my son's teacher, a woman I've decided I don't like after dealing with her. Nice lady, I guess, and we suspect she may be a member but...well. I had to talk with her about my kid getting hit by another kid in her class (at lunch) yesterday and she was all over the place, calling her friends who were outside the class while I was talking and being all "yeah [the other kid] has ADHD, you know..."


Then again, my kid's first grade teacher from last year is invited too. And I'm pretty sure she's not Mormon. Can't say for sure, but she doesn't register on my Mor-dar.

haha, Mor-dar. Mordor.

So she's prob inviting non-member friends as well. Which means this isn't necessarily a project thing where my husband and I are concerned. After all, she's an incredibly social girl. Like ridiculously. Part of me wants to be like her in that respect, but I'm learning that's just not my gig.

So what do y'all think?


  1. I love the term "mor-dar". I hope it sticks. Maybe you will just have coined some new ex-mo/post-mo jargon.

  2. Go.

    ...and then spike the punch, go skinny-dipping in the hot tub, sing "The Bad Touch" for karaoke. :D

  3. @kiley: ha! thank you for saying that. sometimes i think i'm the only one who laughs at my jokes ;D

    @Diana: i can show up drunk and flirt with all the married guys while eric flirts with all the married women, haha. or he and i could just get all hot and heavy in front of everyone and then ask for an available room. or just use the hot tub.

    unfortunately, being post-mo does NOT mean i've lot my conscience. maybe that happens after i write the letter? i should sue for false advertising by the church.

  4. I can't figure out why you have so many Mormons in your community.

    To me, the important thing about what you said was that these aren't your people. It doesn't seem like you have much interest in going - you just feel obligated because of the invitation. If that's the case, don't go. It doesn't have to be about the Mormonotony - it could just be because you're not interested. If you say no often enough, they'll get the hint. You could also say that you're uncomfortable being social with your child's teacher and would prefer to keep your relationship professional.

    Or you could go once and then say something about the inappropriateness of having a hot tub at a party for married people. :)

  5. Chandelle, you've no idea. People think I'm exaggerating, but seriously. EVERYWHERE.

    (I find myself saying lately "not that there's anything wrong with that...")

    Just ten minutes down the highway and it's even more concentrated. Smaller town, but highly concentrated.

    Here's the thing, too: I don't want to isolate myself further, you know? That's why I'm even entertaining the idea of going.

    I do like the bit about the teacher, and I think that's a really great reason to not go. Then again, I don't have to socialize with them even if i'm there.

    God, don't get me started on teaching and teachers. Not today. Like walking a tightrope. High wire. Whatev.

    Anyway, yes about the hot tubs. just yes.

  6. I should also add, this woman is the only parent of my kids' friends that I have met who is rather stable/normal.

    It doesn't help. I keep thinking it's an LDS thing, but it can't be.

    Please reassure me it's not.

  7. Sounds like it is just a social invitation to me, I would read too much more into it. If you want to go, do it. If not, you shouldn't feel obligated. There are plenty of other ways to maintain your friendship with said individual.

  8. haha, I'm watching LOTR right now. And I definitely read "Mordor" for both of them.

  9. I didn't imagine that a *hot tub* would be a valid place to try to reactivate someone, but maybe I'm just not creative enough.

    But, as other people raised, if those people aren't your crowd of people, no need to feel pressure to go.

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  11. Hi Lisa,

    Try to isolate what you want to do from all the pressures you feel. Gosh, you must be exhausted! Just do what you want. You're great! I know if I lived there, I would love to socialize with someone like you. It would be really difficult to live in a place so immersed in any one religion. That is what I love about NY. Nobody cares! And it's also what I hate..., ha ha ha!


  12. @el genio: yeah, maybe.

    @Andrew: haha, yeah.

    @annalee: it's not just the LDS here, either. there are churches *everywhere* but i think i already touched on that.

    and thanks :)

    oy. just woke up.

    i don't want to go, so i probably won't. it would be weird. but who knows. i've gone to things i wasn't into before and haven't regretted it too much. we'll have to see. i was more concerned it was a reactivation thing, which would just be annoying but hardly threatening now that i think about it.

    thanks everyone <3

  13. Is it nude hot tubbing? Or do they wear their garmies?

  14. Try everything as least once.