Breaking the Sabbath

I'm having a difficult time focusing, so of course I come here.

Eh.

So I didn't go to that party. Didn't want to. Looking at the pictures, I know I didn't want to. I have nothing against these people, but yet I feel I do for some reason. They're nice people, but they're not *my* people, you know?

And I would've been a bummer. I'm just not a karaoke girl.

There are, however, hot tub pictures. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately?) the dudes were in their swim shorts.

The host did get tossed into the pool. The picture showed a good garment shot--good to know who is temple-worthy and who is not.

So today was my kid's birthday party. My boy likes to have a lot of people around him. Born to two very unsociable parents, and he wants everyone around. It didn't work out for him this time, though. One kid was able to come, just one, so I made a last minute pleading call to my SIL, knowing I was asking her to come to a birthday party on Sunday. I knew if I were just a friend she would've said "sorry, it's Sunday" but since we're family, they all came over.

I was so glad.

But, y'know, it's 95 degrees outside today. Even inside, where's a cool 72, it's just too effing hot to wear pants, and I can't help but feel like a Molly in my capris--especially if I know I'm going to be around members. It just makes me feel two-faced. So, I thought, it's about time. I was going to wear my shorts in front of my rather zealous SIL.

Who didn't, btw, used to be quite this zealous. I miss my old friend. A lot.

So she comes inside and TOTALLY noticed the shorts. Her eyes widened. She looked at my shorts and immediately looked at my eyes.

Dear god. It was so much worse than when she saw the piercing, a reaction which admittedly wasn't bad at all--but I mean, wouldn't you think an eyebrow piercing would elicit a bigger reaction than SHORTS?

I know, I know. Garments, temple stuff, eternity, etc. I know.

But still. Shorts. It just pisses me off that they're considered immodest when they were quite reasonable.

She was cool the whole day, didn't say anything weird. I asked her how church was, yadayada. But there was awkwardness. At least I felt it. Especially when I joined her in the empty room while she finished nursing her baby. She didn't feel comfortable when it was just us, and I'm not really sure why. There's always the chance I'm overthinking it, but I like to think I know her fairly well. There was a time we couldn't go a day without hanging out. For weeks.

At one point I found myself covering my legs with a little pillow when I sat. It took me a while before I thought yanno, screw this. So I just let 'em out. They're thighs.

OooOh.

I mean, christ. Not like I had buttcheek fighting to get out.

It became progressively weirder as the day went along.

It didn't help that the other mom--not LDS--waxed on and on about how her children are her world and made brief but subtle remarks about how kids with working parents end up pains in the asses. That's a whole other post, but I had to get that out as a mama who hopes to soon work and who doesn't make her kids her entire world--at least not like she described it. That's what my mom did, and it didn't do shit for her. Or us.

Or SIL's comment about how it was so nice to see "real boys."

I hate what the church does to its members. I love her so much and yet I hear this correlated, Julie Beck, YW "girls are pink!" crap coming out of her mouth. I hate it hate it hate it.

Anyway.

I knew SIL made a bit of a sacrifice or whatever to come over today, and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for her and her family to come. My son needed a good party, and that requires kids. Her kids and mine get along *so* well, and I almost cried I was so glad she agreed to come. She's very to the letter about her Sundays, moreso than she was some years ago when she suggested that we all get together for a picnic at the park. That was the time my husband said "No. It's the Sabbath." Oy. WTF?

Then there's the music she used to listen to. I even made a reference to it today and she totally dismissed me, ignored it. Like it never happened. Also, the movies she used to want to watch.

All gone. Poof.

I miss my friend. I know she's in there somewhere. I see her flicker in her eyes sometimes when it's just us and we talk. But then she's quickly chased away by comments like "I read my scriptures when..." and shit like that. So intent on being righteous that she's lost the personality I loved to be around.

I just miss her.