Sunday, September 19, 2010

Been thinking

I'm starting to think it's about time I stood up for some things. I can do it nicely (sometimes...if I take a day to cool off), but someone needs to make an effort to stop the insanity.

You know?

No more of this unpoliced crap that goes on in church/religion discourse. it's ridiculous.

I need to do my part, and not in a passive-aggressive kind of manner, but in a respectful assertive manner.

If they don't like civilized discourse, then perhaps I'm better off without them.

Otherwise I'm going to kill myself in my frustration and anger, and that's no way to go.


  1. Setting boundaries wasn't an easy skill for me to learn but it is one of the most important and satisfying things I do. I don't go looking for a fight nor do I try to impose my beliefs on anyone else (unless they secretly read my blog; then all bets are off). All that matters to me are my relationships. The good ones. I believe all healthy relationships are built on the twin foundations of mutual respect and honesty. So I'm honest with people about where I stand when they get into my territory, if you know what I mean:

    "How do you like your ward?" (keep in mind they're asking because they know I'm not going)

    "I've never been to it. I haven't gone to church in over 4 years."

    "*Gasp!* You haven't?! Why not???"

    "I don't believe in it anymore. So how are your kids? You still working at that one place?"

    "Why don't you believe in the church anymore? You used to have such a strong testimony!!!"

    "Because I studied the history and a few other things and I learned a lot of disturbing facts that prove to me the church is not true. I'd be happy to share what I learned if you want to talk about it but it's not important if you don't want to hear about it."

    "I don't. I have a testimony. I know it is true without a shadow of a doubt."

    "Okay. So how are your kids? You still working at that one place?"

    "Oh my gosh! Is *that* the time? I've gotta run but let's do lunch sometime ..."

    Then you don't hear from them again until you get the obligatory invitation to their kid's baby shower.

    Few people in my former social network (aka "the believers I used to associate with") are among my close friends. That works for me. Really. It does. Give me authentic relationships any day. My door is always open to any of those other people anytime they want to have a genuine relationship with me on my terms (mutual respect and honesty). Until then, isn't it beer-thirty somewhere?

  2. Yeah, with regards to people who ask me about church I'm pretty upfront. One person asked me what made me leave, and I told her as best I could. She was pretty awesome. The other girl got all sad and "why?" Since we were at a party for a blessing, I told her I'd totally tell her another time. She never asked again (but did manage to throw me an email the very next day to see how i was--kinda not her style)

    Others like to say "The church is perfect, but the people aren't."

    I tell those people the same thing I tell everyone else: if it were the people, i would've left a LONG time ago.

    Also, I get tired of people thinking the world is just as easy as saying "make abortion illegal" and "everyone on welfare is a lazy, unemployed drug addict" and "I don't want to pay for yr healthcare"

    That pisses me off lots, too, and I'm getting a bit louder. Only because someone has to. I think it's good to think and discuss, and that too many people don't care to.

    As far as religion goes: Let them have their religion. What bothers me is that I'm not entirely sure they'd ever allow me mine so I stay quiet while they tell me how persecuted they are. Whatever.

    That said, I'll let people wax poetic all day long--even bear their testimony to me--but i cannot STAND it when people assume why we left.

    Mostly because I know it's the church lying to/manipulating them again.

    In the end, I don't want to lose friends because we're not totally compatible. There's just no such thing around here for me. So I try to be conciliatory--but not to the point where I'm the only one being conciliatory, yanno?

  3. Yeah, I hear ya. When I "came out" to my family, it involved two short (cut short by them) and very respectful and loving conversations with my mother and sister to explain why I would not be attending a niece's temple wedding. I decided I respected them and myself enough to be honest. I explained I had done some research and had learned some disturbing facts that didn't make sense to me. I did not go into details until they asked. Then I gave only a short synopsis about the tip of the iceberg -- a few historically documented facts about polygamy. They both suddenly had to hang up.

    Then the shit hit the fam. Rumors about me flew from Utah to California to Florida and everything in between. Everyone was talking about me. No one was talking to me. Of course, according to them, I left because I sinned and was offended. Obviously. Not because I have a fuckin' brain. No. Not possible.

    I was very hurt and angry for awhile that, with a few non-believing exceptions, NOT ONE of my believing family members had the balls -- or the simple respect and human decency -- to talk to me directly. They all reached all their nasty conclusions without any input from me. They are still not talking to me and it has been almost 2 years (yet I recently learned they are reading my blog; *snort*).

    Anyway, sorry for the long comments but you obviously hit a nerve. And that whole thing about "the church is perfect"? What a fucking joke. Yeah, they're perfectly deceptive ... and evil. What other organization requires individuals to covenant to choose their church over their families?