Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Super-Sekrit Name

So, I know some wavering members of whatever degree do and may read this blog. I also recognize that this is my own motherfucking blog and I no longer subject myself to the church's rules and bullshit--but I have a feeling one or two "IRL" people who are faithful members may read this blog.

Hi, ex-roomie. Are you here, too? I love you.

I don't want to offend her. I'm surprised I haven't yet. She's been so unbelievably good to me.

So here's the Q:

I have a super-sekrit temple name. For a few reasons I think it'd be good and fun to give it a shout out and perhaps have other readers do the same. I don't like feeling as if I'm under the church's authority, and keeping that secret sort of makes me feel that way. After all, it's not as if I'm handing out other peoples' super-sekrit names (like I'd know them--although, if we received our endowments on the same day at the same temple, I'd have a 1 in 3 chance at guessing). I just want to give my own. At my own "god will not be mocked" peril. Which I'm willing to chance.

I mean, Eric told me his. That was awesome, obvs. He can know mine but I can't know his? LAME. And insulting.

So where's the respectability line? Sometimes I give out little clues as to what goes on there, we talk about it, we allude to it. In the end, this is somebody else's faith that is kept very close to the heart. The temple stuff isn't just mine, it's every faithful "worthy" member's sacred shit, so I'm still hesitant. I'm also afraid because of how ridiculous I see it as now and don't want anyone to think "the fuck? really? you believed and did that?" which, I think, might be the big reason why it's a secret. Nobody wants to be mocked. There are a few people I'd be willing to tell, but not many.

But the super-sekrit name is mine.

I pee my pants giggling every time I see someone's online name as "My Temple Name is Deborah." KILLS ME. To be fair, however, it doesn't take much giggling after having three kids, amirite?

Let's be honest. It's not even that exciting. Temple names = biblical/BoM names. I wonder if there's a Moron or a Shiz anywhere. Or if anyone has ever said "Naw, what're the other options here? I can't be Abraham, Jesus, John, Paul? C'mon, really? Alma? That's a girl's name in some countries."

What the hell.

My super-sekrit name is Sarah.



  1. Eliza. Eliza. ELIZA! (just waiting for the lightening ...)

  2. Kuri: Too bad. Saruman is much cooler.

  3. i have some friends who are orthodox, and they have names after they convert--but they aren't secret. i'm not mormon, so someone please tell me about the name thing.

  4. I forgot mine :/ I swear it's Judith but my husband thinks it's something else.

  5. I forgot mine almost immediately. I didn't remember it until my SIL resigned, too, and told me hers was Abish. Yep, that was mine! I remember being so disappointed because, seriously, what a fugly name.

    Another major disappointment? I thought the names were assigned individually, by on-the-spot revelation. Imagine my surprise when my temple-worker husband told me that they just pick two names to assign to everybody at the beginning of the day.

  6. Related: one of the most dramatic moments on our way out of the Church was when I shouted my partner down about his temple name. I was having some seriously feminist angst, so I went on and on about how he gets to know my name but I don't know his, and how unfair and misogynistic it is, and he just listened without saying much, until finally I was like, "WHAT IS IT. TELL ME NOW." So he said "Nimrod," like it was the simplest thing. Kinda anti-climactic, but I appreciated it. I think we resigned within the next month.

    P.S. The CAPTCHA phrase for this comment is micultee. :)

  7. I left the church before getting to this exciting stage! I'm pretty glad, because I am certain I'd have been disappointed. My favorite Biblical character is Jael, and I am not sure they hand that name out too often.

  8. Josiah. Turns out that if you forgot your name you can have them look it up for you. Everyone who received their endowment in that same temple on that same day received the same name. Every morning the temple president prays about it and chooses the names for the day. lol

  9. jessica: when you go to the temple to get your endowments (the garments, make some "covenants" like to avoid loud laughter, never teach anyone the secret "handshakes" or names, consecrate all your talents, money, whatever to THE CHURCH, etc), you get a new name.

    The "new name" is a key into heaven. Here's the thing: Only the husband knows his wife's name because he's the one that can get you into heaven. The wife can't know her husband's because, obvs, there's no reason to. She's not the one who'll "allow" him into heaven. He gets in just by virtue of being a worthy priesthood holder.

    You're not supposed to know anyone else's name. It's the key. It's one of the names that goes with one of the handshakes (I think that's an inaccurate description, but I can't come up with anything better). And they tell you "god will not be mocked" if you tell people. It's far better than "make a motion to cut your throat and disembowel yourself because that's what you'll need to do if you disclose this information."

    Seriously. 1990 is when that changed.

    So everyone who goes in for the first time thinks they're getting a super special secret (er, sacred) name, but it's nothing you can't find in the scriptures and, like others have said, it's hardly an individual thing. The temple president prays over (I'd imagine) a list and decides which ones--I've heard up to three--to use in whichever manner throughout the day for new inductees.

    Make sense? Lemme know if you have any questions. I'm pretty open.

    Chandelle: Oh god, yeah. That's what I was getting at. I'd be like "Uhm, I won't remember that. What're the other options?" (of course, when you first go in you don't know there are other options)

    I liked mine. I had a friend or two over the years who thought I looked like a Sarah anyways. Eric always forgot it, though. And isn't it a shame he isn't an Abraham? He isn't comfortable giving out his yet, but wouldn't that have been a cool testimony builder? Sigh. ;)

    And yes, I'm with you on the yelling bit. I never yelled, but I told him how awful it was and he agreed and gave me his.

    Nimrod. Sigh again. That's like getting "Moron" unfortunately.

    Diana: You never know.

    Reason: I know, that discovery was such a downer for me.

  10. oh! amberly: you can always, uhm, go back and ask. :D

    that sucks. part of the apostate fun is knowing your name and telling everyone.

  11. You naughty, naughty girl! Mine is Claudia. GASP!!!

    As much as I don't believe in the church, it still makes me gasp that I just revealed it.

    It never occurred to me that I can't get into 'heaven' without my husband. I never thought to question or ask him what his name is. I think I'll do that tonight.