Monday, October 11, 2010

My Idea, Part 2

I did my thing. And I immediately had a sort of panic attack about it--which is entirely too par for the course this week.

A few days ago I signed up to have my status hijacked by the Human Right's Campaign. Three times they did their whole "NCOD is coming up, here's a little bit of depressing and enraging trivia about society's treatment of GBLTQ people."

I decided that, today, I'd just put my little announcement up as a comment to that. Which means I couldn't privatize the status.

I freaked out, totally regretted it at first. Because, you know, I don't think I want my stepmom to see that. She might ask about it in her own little "hahahaha, lisa, are you kidding? want a girlfriend lisa? hahaha" and will never fucking leave me alone. Which means I'll have to say something rather cutting because sometimes that's the only language she understands.

And then other people, like my dad, will find out and who the fuck knows who else. I don't necessarily care if my sister finds out, but shit. My dad can be an ass about this stuff.

Thought about deleting it. I'm over that now.

Honestly I was thinking about not doing it after all.

I'm just not that brave, y'all. It seems I am a bonafide wimp. And it's not like I'm saying "Hey, I dig chicks and not dudes"

Nonono. Just "Hey, I dig dudes for the very most part, but every now and again I have crushed on a girl."


Seriously, I checked out the Mormon Missionary calendar the other day because I've never really looked at it. Some of those guys--not bad, not bad at all. A few of them /fans self.

The women? None. Meh. None are my type.

That said, check out Kiley's post over at We Were Going to be Queens (loooove the title). I guess there's something about how your index finger compares to the length of your fourth finger. If yr index is shorter than yr fourth, all signs point to some degree of gay. Mine is just a little shorter.

I'll give you a minute to check your own fingers.

Either way what I did was initially terrifying. I'm getting over it.

Also, I'm not sure if I'm a 1 or a 2. It's hard to say. I put 2 though. Then one. Ugh. I don't know if I wanted to say that because it's less terrifying or because it's actually true. Hard to say. I can only think of 3 girls IRL I've been really attracted to in my entire life, enough to be considered a bonafide crush (and I still feel like I need to say this: IT IS NOT YOU) and a few celebrities and whatnot. It didn't start until high school and then I spent a good part of my life in the crutch where I just rarely thought about it because it's badbadbad. So it's hard to say.


I think I'm a two. I think 1 is more "eh, maybe once."

It's a bit more than that for me.

This was supposed to be a step in the direction of a greater acknowledgment of self. Publicly. You know, be proud. Stand with my friends. Who the fuck cares. Lookit all the preaching I've done.

I feel a bit pathetic, but at least I'm working on it.


  1. I did it, and I noticed some of my friends are now doing it too. Exciting! I am kind of nervous about even posting a 1. I didn't foresee feeling that way. I guess I'm more afraid of what people will think of me than I anticipated. Weird.

  2. Yeah, it was far more terrifying than I thought it would be.

    I don't see others posting theirs on their own statuses, but they are on mine.

    Which is cool :D

  3. Also, MLDSFDTS saw it and sent me this extremely apologetic email. Though she's among the most tolerant Mormons I know, she still reallyreally doesn't get some things.

    I'm hoping this might be the beginning of some more knowledge and understanding, you know?

  4. I posted mine as well, along with some links for Human Rights Campaign and Freedom to Marry. My mother had some choice non-expletives, but I stack that against the 16 or so "likes" and supportive comments from everyone else.

  5. Just told Eric. He basically shrugged. I love him.

  6. Ya know... my fourth finger is slightly longer than my first finger... but I like dudes. I am ATTRACTED to certain women and have had a couple of crushes in my time... if I were "braver" I may have acted on them, but alas, that kind of brave I am not. I've been known to slow down while driving to look at nice legs/ass of either sex... I can appreciate a beautiful woman... but I don't consider myself bi-sexual. I consider myself heterosexual. Some people call it bi-curious but I have no intention of ever acting upon my attraction-even drunk off my ass I've had beautiful women try to kiss me and I've turned them away. It's just not me. *shrug* So whatever. I'm an ally, I don't care who you love... love who you love and love them with all your heart. That's what it's all about. Right?

  7. My fourth and index fingers are exactly the same length. UNSURPRISED.

    Did you notice that I posted my number in my status? Oh, probably not 'cause I immediately deleted it. And I don't have more than a handful of FB friends who are outright bigots, so yeah, I'm a wimp, too.

  8. Wait, I assumed that fingers of the same length would indicate bisexuality while one or the other being longer would indicate hetero- or homosexuality. Hm.

  9. After your first post about this my awesome kid sent me a text saying she had just been "ballsy" on FB. She had posted a link to an intelligent, honest, and heart-rending letter from the Mormon father of a gay son, addressed to Boyd K. Packer. If BKP ever read that letter he must have a heart of stone because it obviously didn't move him.

    I am so proud of her. She simply does not give a shit that all of her cousins who have practically worshiped the ground under her feet for years now think less of her for taking a stand against homophobia and hate. Did I mention how proud I am of her? Brings a lump to my throat.

    Anyway, maybe I'm rethinking my disdain for FB. When I look at the mind-numbing religious crap (today it was "_____ is so thankful for a living Prophet to guide us in these Latter Days! Click like if you agree!"), I feel like I'm in Oz surrounded by munchkins. But my awesome kid and all the rest of you have inspired me with your courage and honesty. Maybe it's time for a Facebook takeover ... Hmmm.

  10. Noe: I think the only thing that matters is what you consider yourself after an honest assessment. Also, I think the term "bi-curious" indicates a desire for acting upon it, so no. You wouldn't qualify :D

    Chandelle: I didn't notice. You're pretty sneaky about that--but no judgment here, you may have noticed I can be a serial deleter, too.

    As far as the finger length goes, sounds pretty bi to me :D

    CD: Awesome. That's why I do it, to "fight against the man." Then I feel badly after because I do have a lot of really amazing people on my friend's list who probably don't want to hear about it.

    Seriously, we need our own "likes"

    Sometimes I feel inundated with religious/LDS crap and I just want to fight back with my own stuff. I don't know if it works or if I, again, piss off those who never asked for it, but it is my instinctual response.

    Never said it was mature, but y'know. I'm tired of it.

    Awesome for your daughter!

  11. Whoooooo for digging chicks!!!! :-D

    Love this Lisa, good for you!

    Kayxxx (from wdc)

  12. kay! it's good to hear from you.

    hope all is well <3