Extra-marital Attractions

My last post was admittedly a bit on the hesitant side. And I think after Packer's train-wreck of a talk, we should discuss this more. We have to.

See, I grew up in a rather...loud household. Both my mom and my dad's house. My mom's favorite thing to do was to see an attractive woman and say "I'd do her" only to make my stepdad uncomfortable. After some time, my stepdad decided he'd fight back and say the same about some dude. It didn't work.

It takes a lot to make my mom uncomfortable.

Unless you're me.

Anyway.

My mom was pretty vocal about what man she found sexy, attractive, whatever. My stepmom liked to tell stories about men who flirted with her, especially if he was young. "So and so asked me out!"

Also, when I was a teen, my mom hung a picture of a half naked Jerry Rogers (49ers, football--or was it...oh, whatever. A half-nekkid 49er) in her bedroom she shared with my stepdad.

It all made me very uncomfortable.

So when I joined the church and heard about how we shouldn't flirt with other people or even, really, acknowledge members of the opposite sex when we're taken, I loved it. Eric's mom told me once that one of the things she loved about her husband was that he never spoke about another attractive woman, celebrity or otherwise. Eric said he liked this too, and I believed it was only appropriate--and respectful. Nothing like making your husband/wife feel as if they are the best looking person in the world to you and they don't see anyone else.

It's sweet, romantic, all that. I get it.

Eric has never said anything about another woman. Well. Nothing direct. I know he's noticed. He mentioned something about another girl's legs, whatever. I used to be really sensitive about this and extremely careful to never mention to anyone that I found another man attractive, let alone another chick. It wasn't until about two years ago when I met someone who tried to convince me it's totally okay to find someone else attractive, especially a celebrity or just some dude walking down the street that I'll likely never see again. She became angry when I refused to, and eventually I gave in. But I still didn't quite like it. After all, Eric never does this, does he? (I don't know. Like I said, he's very subtle if he does). It was weird.

Because, obvs, this means you'd totally and for reals jump into bed with them if you could. Screw commitments.

And that's the problem, isn't it? The teachings about the evils of teh sex doesn't end at marriage. You're still not supposed to do much more than acknowledge another person. You're never to accept a ride from them, even if you're stranded and need help. Who knows, your private parts may get a mind of their own and collide! There's no such thing as self-discipline.

It's a definite self-fulfilling prophecy, I think.

And what are you supposed to do if you find members of both sexes attractive? Hide in a hole?

You get the idea.

And I know there's a line. I still don't believe reciprocated or initiated flirtation is necessarily okay, but I do get that sometimes a person likes and even needs to know they're still found attractive by other people. Especially after they've had kids and/or have been married for quite some time. When "going out" means dinner at a restaurant, not dancing. Not anything really...well. Young, I guess.

Hi, I feel old. And I'm not.

So it was with some hesitancy that I posted yesterday.

I don't want to be like my mother or other women whose sig other is super-respectful but she's all over other men.

But here's the thing: I do find other people attractive. I'm sure he does, too, even though I'm just gaining the courage to ask him who. But, y'know, we watch True Blood together. Have you seen the people on that show? As far as fantasizing goes, I still don't know. I have, but not when I am with him. Doing that doesn't seem right.

So I wrote that post. It was kind of a big step in a few ways, but I trust all the people (especially IRL) who I know read this blog. (Nobody, of which, I've ever crushed on. But I love you very, very much.)

I dunno. Thoughts?