I wanted to be way more snarky, but whatever. I don't imagine the final product will differ much from this one. I took the suggested template off exmormon.org and messed with it a bit, taking passive sentences and making them a bit more...assertive. It feels better. I didn't really dig the "we're no longer subject to yr shit" line they suggested because, well, do I really need to say that? Some people would say yes. Apparently as recently as 2004 someone was called to a Court after resigning. I'd be all "whatever."
Anyhow, I am thinking a "later, bitches!" would be a better sign off than "sincerely." Really, I think I need a better way to end this than "sincerely." Suggestions? Eric wouldn't be comfortable with "bitches." He's pretty sure his old cub scout leader will process this eventually. But maybe that just means I need to write my own goddamn letter.
(Side note: It is 3:15 am. My daughter had a bad dream, so I'm awake now, thinking about how I'm about to make this public, like it's some kind of contract with you, even though I know you of all people get this. Am I effectively divorcing my family?! Do I really want to do this?! Ugh! The church, it sucks.)
8:30am: Pretty much over that. Pretty much. We'll see.
Member Records Division, LDS Church
50 E North Temple Rm 1372
SLC UT 84150-5310
This letter is to inform you of our resignation from the church. We expect our names to be permanently and completely removed from the membership rolls of the church. The names and records of our children are also to be removed. They are: Abbie, Jason, and Joseph. [full names and birth dates redacted for blog]
We have considered this for a significant amount of time due to doctrinal issues, but the recent events concerning Prop 8 and the words of certain senior leaders have compelled us to resign formally. We will not condone these actions and behaviors by virtue of our membership and thus refuse official association with the church.
We understand you consider this “serious” and what you believe the “consequences” of resignation are. We take this seriously as well and quite frankly believe the cost is worth the benefit.
We are aware that the CHI says our resignation "cancels the effects of baptism and confirmation, withdraws the priesthood held by a male member and revokes temple blessings." We also understand that readmittance is possible “by baptism only after a thorough interview." These are not concerns of ours, though, so have at.
We expect our resignations to be processed immediately, without any “waiting periods.” Postponing this process by any attempts to dissuade us will not be met with any measure of patience. Our decision has been made. We expect this matter to be handled promptly, with respect and with full confidentiality.
After today the only contact we want from the church is a single letter of confirmation of our resignations, records and name removal. If a reason must be documented, “doctrinal issues” would be accurate.