I wanted to be way more snarky, but whatever. I don't imagine the final product will differ much from this one. I took the suggested template off exmormon.org and messed with it a bit, taking passive sentences and making them a bit more...assertive. It feels better. I didn't really dig the "we're no longer subject to yr shit" line they suggested because, well, do I really need to say that? Some people would say yes. Apparently as recently as 2004 someone was called to a Court after resigning. I'd be all "whatever."
Anyhow, I am thinking a "later, bitches!" would be a better sign off than "sincerely." Really, I think I need a better way to end this than "sincerely." Suggestions? Eric wouldn't be comfortable with "bitches." He's pretty sure his old cub scout leader will process this eventually. But maybe that just means I need to write my own goddamn letter.
(Side note: It is 3:15 am. My daughter had a bad dream, so I'm awake now, thinking about how I'm about to make this public, like it's some kind of contract with you, even though I know you of all people get this. Am I effectively divorcing my family?! Do I really want to do this?! Ugh! The church, it sucks.)
8:30am: Pretty much over that. Pretty much. We'll see.
Member Records Division, LDS Church
50 E North Temple Rm 1372
SLC UT 84150-5310
This letter is to inform you of our resignation from the church. We expect our names to be permanently and completely removed from the membership rolls of the church. The names and records of our children are also to be removed. They are: Abbie, Jason, and Joseph. [full names and birth dates redacted for blog]
We have considered this for a significant amount of time due to doctrinal issues, but the recent events concerning Prop 8 and the words of certain senior leaders have compelled us to resign formally. We will not condone these actions and behaviors by virtue of our membership and thus refuse official association with the church.
We understand you consider this “serious” and what you believe the “consequences” of resignation are. We take this seriously as well and quite frankly believe the cost is worth the benefit.
We are aware that the CHI says our resignation "cancels the effects of baptism and confirmation, withdraws the priesthood held by a male member and revokes temple blessings." We also understand that readmittance is possible “by baptism only after a thorough interview." These are not concerns of ours, though, so have at.
We expect our resignations to be processed immediately, without any “waiting periods.” Postponing this process by any attempts to dissuade us will not be met with any measure of patience. Our decision has been made. We expect this matter to be handled promptly, with respect and with full confidentiality.
After today the only contact we want from the church is a single letter of confirmation of our resignations, records and name removal. If a reason must be documented, “doctrinal issues” would be accurate.
Sincerely,
Us.
You don't technically need a closing for any letter... I know it's proper form an all that, but cut out the "sincerely" and just put your names.
ReplyDeleteOverall the letter works. I hope that when you do send in a final draft they don't give you any grief.
You're NOT divorcing your family. If any family members view this as such then it's their problem-and it's something they need to deal with on their own and in their own time.
Best of luck.
Yeah, I know. It was one hell of a late night spontaneous ambush of a panic attack.
ReplyDeleteA lack of closing sounds awesome. Got my vote.
They shouldn't give us grief. At least I hope not.
Thank you Noe <3
I like it! They should know the reasons they're hemorrhaging members. They can't pretend it's just because people want to go out and sin when you put it like that.
ReplyDeleteSounds great. We just did the form letter because we figured nobody would bother to read it. They process enough resignation letters that they have a form letter of their own with a stamped name. But I love to read the letters of people who take the time to explain why they're leaving. I wish I'd said a little sumpin-sumpin if only for the benefit of the occasionally curious in that department.
ReplyDeleteMost excellent! FWIW, I sent them a "Formal Notice of Termination of Membership." I used my business PO box for my address. Dodge returned my original signed and notarized letter and told me they couldn't identify my membership record w/o that. I called bullshit. First, I provided both my DOB and my member ID# (from tithing statements) in the caption. The dead giveaway of his lie was he addressed me by my full name even though I only provided my middle initial. I pointed out that little slip-up. A few weeks later I got my confirmation.
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful thing, man.
Why are they giving some people crap and not others? (Like me and Cognitive up there.) I know in the "old days" they would come to your house and tell you that you were going to hell and whatnot. Most people I've seen have gotten out fairly easily though. I want out so that when people ask me "Are you LDS?" and I say "no," I can be telling the truth.
ReplyDeleteCarla: That's the idea :)
ReplyDeleteChandelle: Eh, you're probably right but I've heard horror stories of the church saying shit like "this sounds like a form letter and therefore we don't believe you either wrote it or really mean it."
Which is stupid.
It's also just for me if not for them.
CD: Ugh. They need to get over themselves. Whatever happened to agency?
Becky: Yeah I never really know how to answer that question. In the past I've said "Well...technically." Or "Not a very good one!" or "Not for much longer" or "yeah but we're inactive."
Lisa, go you for actually thoughtfully revising the form letter. My only revisions were a few lines about Prop 8 and my sign-off: "Fuck you! Yours truly, Diana______".
ReplyDeleteI honestly think they have a department that skims the letters looking for any they think have no faint glimmer of a chance that they might reconsider, put those letters in a different pile to be treated differently in order to save on stamp costs. Otherwise they get the whole hoo hah with the bishop and what not.
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ReplyDeleteThe forms letter thing goes back to the CHI, where it says something like "the individual member's letter of resignation can't be a form letter because we're a bunch of fuckwits that can't distinguish between reality and the supernatural, let alone fathom the depths of insight it would take to imagine a group of people wanting to say the exact same thing at the exact same time ... oh wait."
ReplyDeleteAnd Andrew, that 'faint glimmer of a chance" is indicated by the Holy Ghost! Who, being a spirit, can act just like the catholic idea of god yet provides the CoJCoLDS with a way out of the ridiculousness of THAT whole scenario!!
Our (Black Bikini Maureen's, mine, and the kids with ours) letters of resignation went out a while ago but they've failed to provide us with the dignity of response. Fuck Them. I want confirmation, technically I'm no longer Mormon, but they might still be using my number. And that shits me