Didja know how AWESOME Tom Monson is? If not, someone wrote all about it. Snore. These biographies are probably the worst ever. Tell me Tommy smoked a joint at the age of 16 and I might reconsider my stance, though chances are he told on some kid for smoking and called him to repentance or some bullshit like that. SEW PURE AND RITECHOUS he was made bishop at 22!
Did you know that? because I think everyone on the fucking planet knows that by now. Maybe Tom hasn't had enough praise for such an amazing accomplishment. Let's all pat him on the head until he feels sufficiently acknowledged.
Not fair? Maybe. I just don't understand why this is such a big thing. Who in their right mind wants to be bishop at 22? Y'all, I don't know of many men that age in the church who've finished school at this point.
But what is school, yeah?
Then there's a book out there called "The Time Starved Family"
As a mother of seven children, DeAnne Flynn has experienced firsthand the challenge of staying balanced in a world where jam-packed calendars have taken a huge toll on family time. The sixteen practical ideas in this book will help families break out of the hectic, overscheduled, underconnected way of life that has become the norm for both parents and children. Her sensible and realistic approach will help relieve anxiety, encourage self-reliance in kids, and restore order and simplicity to daily family life. Isn’t it time to refocus your energy on the best choices for your family?
DeAnne, if I may call you that, I could've written a pass-along card on this shizz. Sixteen practical ideas to save time and use what you have more wisely? I have just one:
Get yo ass out the church.
THEY HAVE MISSIONARY ACTION FIGURES.
How would you play with your figure set? Perhaps the missionaries, starved of human affection...well. When there's no Barbie, Ken will do. I've yet to find a man who doesn't look super hot in a suit.
Unfortunately, I can't find any sister missionary action figures. Lame.
Then there's this beauty: Change Your Questions, Change Your Life
Yeah, pretty much. Although I'd change this title to "Ask some questions, change your life." Change Your Questions sounds pretty tricksy to me, like another strategy missionaries would use.
Wait. They already do.
Investigator: "I asked God if the Book of
Missionary: "Did you ask right?"
But seriously, some examples from the book:
- What is on my premortal list of “Things to Do While on Earth?” (Uhm...?)
- What is the one question I most need to have answered from the scriptures today? (Horses in ancient America, fer realz?)
- How can I be more of my true self at the end of this experience? (GTFO, that's how)
- Whose agenda is this supporting? (duh, the liberal/gay agenda)
The Messiah Series.
I actually like these sorts of books. I'm interested in scholarly insights into the life of Christ, and these books look respectable and "thorough" enough for LDS standards (I did enjoy Jesus the Christ--one of few times I didn't feel spoken down to)--but then I saw the author. Bruce R. McConkie.
LDS interpretations of Christ's life are bad enough, but dudes.
Then there are all these books and whatnot about how awesome women are--I'll say it again: If you find yourselves having to convince the women of your church that they are teh awesome, something is wrong.
And to end along the same fucked up vein as my last point: I want to cry when I see a copy of "Emma Smith: My Story"
Because it's not her story. It's just not.