Friday, May 27, 2011


Y'all know Lady Gaga, right? (This isn't about her, just using her as a template)

I read an article the other day having something to do with her--honestly I only remember the comments--and readers quickly fell into a debate on her sexuality and the genuineness thereof. (oh! here it is, but i'll give you the cliff's notes):

Commenter 1: Is she right in being such a strong advocate for the GBLTQ community? She's not gay. Commercialism at its finest. It pisses me off as a gay man.

Commenter 2: Dude, she's said she's bisexual on a number of occasions.

C1: Whatever. She's always hooking up with guys in her videos.

C3: Nuh-uh! Have you seen the "Love Game" video? She totally macks on a chick there.

C1: Doesn't make her bi.

C2: Who are you to decide whether or not she's bi? This is such a big problem for bisexuals. Can't be part of either community. Either with 'em or against 'em, jesus.

C4: She said she was attracted only physically to women, that she couldn't connect with them on an emotional level. She's not bi.

And on and on and on.

I felt C1's concerns during Prop 8. I kept arguing against the proposition and after a while felt like I shouldn't be doing it. I'm not gay. I'm married to a man. I have found women attractive before (wasn't about to say that yet, shh!). Still! I felt like I shouldn't be fighting their cause. I wondered if it wasn't my place. Maybe because I felt like a fake. Maybe because I was fighting against the church just as much as I was fighting against the proposition.

But beyond that: this issue of sexuality, bisexuality specifically. I've heard on a number of occasions that bisexuals are treated as if they can't have their cake and eat it too (a terrible phrase in this situation, really).

Is this a political issue? The gay community has a justifiable cynicism if not hatred toward the straight community. Is this a matter of Us vs. Them? Group mentality? And let's not blame only the gay community for this cynicism. Heterosexuals are constantly berating bisexuals as well for simply wanting to be rebellious or fake or whatever. Ask anyone. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

And let's for a minute consider the other argument brought up here. Gaga allegedly stated she was really only physically attracted to women but didn't feel she could feel an emotional attraction. It sounds odd, I guess, but I think most of us have at one point or ten felt a purely physical attraction to someone we otherwise found totally unattractive.

But Gaga is suddenly not bisexual to these people. Her alleged limited attraction to women negates her claim to bisexuality, and it makes me wonder what makes you bisexual and what, if anything, cancels that out--can you be a poseur if you're genuinely attracted in any way?

It's all bullshit, really. It's never anyone's right to decide how gay or straight someone else is. If you don't like someone fucking with your sexual identity, privilege, or rights, don't fuck with theirs. Period.


  1. It looks like just a perpetuation of the idea that there are these strictly-defined boxes of sexual orientation, "GAY" "STRAIGHT" and you're either one or the other. I guess at least they're allowing that there's more than one box now. But seriously, people need to open up their eyes and see the world for the colorful place it is.

  2. All sexuality should be reserved until after one's temple marriage. This is what Lady Gaga doesn't seem to understand.

  3. Hey Bill, I thought Mormons weren't supposed to be sexual. Ever. They are only supposed to multiply and replenish the earth, and *that* with their garments on (like you and Sis. Paternoster -- and thanks for publicly sharing that brain burning image). I mean, should you even be sexual when you're having a threesome with Elohim?

  4. @Lisa: Amazing and ironic how people who have been victims of prejudice and discrimination from those who presume to define their sexuality (i.e. "No one is gay because God doesn't make gay people"), are so quick to presume they can define someone else's.

  5. Thank you CD. I am glad you appreciated thinking of Sister Paternoster and I replenishing the earth all the while maintaining our vows to wear the garment both night and day. Such threesomes with the Lord are truly a blessing unto the righteous.