Sunday, March 20, 2011

Still looking.

Finding decent articles and first hand experiences from the church has been both frustrating and enlightening. The bullshit the church has said--amazing. I knew about most of it, of course, but my god.

Still looking for first hand experiences, mostly by way of these questions:

1) How long did it take you to say phrases like "if i left the church"?

2) How long did it take you to go less- or in-active? To "break your covenants"?

3) (to above questions) WHY: Specifics, plz, especially regarding any teachings, scriptures, doctrines, lessons, quotes, etc. that fucked with your emotions and kept your drive to stay. The more honest the better. Don't be afraid to say you were offended (because, really, I was offended by the church's treatment of me and others, of polygamy and their sins of omission, etc). If it was something else, lemme know.

4) What emotions did you go through during and following your disaffection?

5) What did other people say? Leaders, friends, ward members, family, etc. I'm considering comparing language before leaving and after--because, yes. There's a HUGE difference. If you received one letter from a friend before leaving and then a more vitriolic response from the same friend later, I'm all for seeing it.

Thank you so much for those of you who've entrusted me with your stories so far. It means a lot.

(and so far I've only received one, one, response from a TBM. But she didn't really grasp what I was asking for. She simply told me why she thinks the church is true, not what she thinks the consequences are of leaving. Oh well. I was happy to have someone respond. Sigh)

you can email me at



  1. They did not try that hard to hang onto me but I can write up something for you.

  2. Can you identify where your baseline is for questions like "how long before..."? How long from what? From the time I first had doubts? From baptism?

  3. Sorry Kate. Clarifying!

    Kiley: I mean more from an internal point of view. They're not trying that hard to hang onto us, either. But inside I wanted to stay due to various fears stemming from doctrine (will lose my eternal family, what will friends think, is my life going to fall apart now that i'm no longer righteous, etc)

    Kate: I mean from first REAL doubt, perhaps even the first "if i left the church" kind of thought. Does that help?

  4. dammit! i was wrong on the email. /duh

    it's been a while since i've used it.

  5. This blog just made me think about a recent experience I had. I found some old Ensigns while cleaning out my garage and attic (getting ready to leave mormon territory--can't take it anymore!!!!) I sat in my garage a couple of times and smoked a cigarette and perused these old Ensigns. Holy shit. The stuff in there is just sick. Talk about brain-washing. No wonder people can't get away when they are inundated with this "you must keep the faith, stick to the iron rod, do not listen to anyone but us, do not read any literature but ours." I feel so lucky and blessed to have found TRUTH. The LDS church has almost none of it but claims to have all of it. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Sorry, just had to vent. I know I'm off topic. You'll forgive me, I'm pretty sure. ;)