So my LDS friend down the street just told me that her husband is now one of our home teachers.
This LDS friend is a good friend of mine. Got a bit of a sailor's mouth herself and is really very understanding and accepting of my family's inactivity. Even gave me a hug and told me she had seen how hard leaving could be since her uncle had been through the process.
So it's not a big deal at all that her husband is our home teacher. But he didn't want to approach us himself b/c he didn't want to make us uncomfortable, so he asked his wife to talk with me.
It's weird what my initial reaction was. It isn't exactly like I hadn't thought of this before--but it mostly regarded my visiting teachers. This is a little different. This is a friend of ours.
...and his 23 year old RM newly married super-TBM companion.
So she asked if we were okay with having them stop by. "They don't have to talk church," she said, "But it's totally no pressure if you don't want them to come."
I told her we didn't want to talk church. Especially with a zealous young RM newly wed in the home. I'd be too tempted to mess with his head.
On the one hand, I figure we're still members on record. On the one hand I empathize that they have a duty to accomplish.
But I also know that I have zero duty to accept them into my home. Who the fuck is going to put us under any obligation to receive our home teachers? And if they did, I'd send in my resignation letter right that minute.
And I also know that nobody is going to rebuke them if they aren't received into our home. As long as they try, right?
I told my friend it'd be totes cool if she accompanied her husband and they just came over for a visit. But, of course, this isn't kosher for home teachers.
I haven't spoken with Eric about this yet, but I already know what he'll say (maybe not, he just said "I don't care") And I'm not really sure what made me hesitate at ALL about this. Maybe because it was my good friend's husband who we get along with rather well, a guy who respects our position on the church to whatever end they're aware of.
Still, I don't want them to come by. Not under that guise.
She also said "you know if you need anything you can call us anyway." Which is true, but it made me wonder about what would happen if we were no longer official members. I'm 99.9999% sure my friend is above shunning us if that's what we did, but isn't the social support structure a large comfort in the church?
I would never use the church like that--I had a hard enough time using them while we were active, even when our daughter was in the NICU and underwent surgery--but it's nice to know they're there.
It's lame, I know, and I'm quickly getting over it, but those were my thoughts.
On the other hand, regarding my visiting teachers, I would have to tell them "no" as well. I honestly cannot remember one visiting teacher I was excited to invite into my house. They'd let their three or four very young kids run rampant and screw up my house. The topic would also always be about or related to motherhood. Or the kicker: one put me under severe mental torture by reviewing the god-awful "Mother's Who Know" bullshit. I thought I was the only girl in the world who couldn't STAND that talk when it came out. I endured a lot with family members fawning over that thing, biting my tongue until it nearly came off.
I think--I know--that any thought of actually letting them come is one of pity. Because I should. Because I don't want to offend them. They're just doing what they're supposed to do. They're good people, why the hell not.
And I think being honest with myself, knowing that I really don't want them here as our home teachers despite one being a friend, says something about where I'm going and where I am now. I'm learning I don't need them anymore, not like that. Especially when I think about the priesthood authority being part of it, that they're supposed to get to know us and take care of us and let the bishop know anything he "ought" to know. It's crap.
But I find it strangely comforting, even knowing the church really is like a too-involved parent--but I'm almost 30 fucking years old, you know? Time to grow up.
It's getting close to the time to cut the cord.