Faith in Self

I've a big, fat, ugly problem with the idea that one cannot be happy or blessed if God or Jesus isn't thrown into the mix.

Y'all, this idea is everywhere lately.

A very very very Christian friend of mine wrote, "I may not see myself as anyone worth much of anything, but Jesus loves me, cherishes me–who could ask for more?"

It reminded me of a local Methodist announcement board (y'know, those that they have outside the church with often quirky and "clever" sayings for all to see?). It said "In order to make God great, you have to be less."

I rolled my eyes at first, but an acquaintance said "truer words!" and mine eyes were opened.

This is the problem. Not humility! But the feeling that without god, I am worthless and with god, I am worthless. The same church had before advertised "If you follow yourself, you've a fool for a leader" or some shit like that.

Do you feel awesome about yourself yet?

Then--and I don't frequent this discussion board at all anymore because it just pisses me off--I ran into a blog post over at Feminist Mormon Housewives because someone I like wrote it. Nat discusses the YW value of faith and asks "how can we best put this into action?" She talks about faith being nothing if you've no faith in yourself. It's well worth the read but the comments...well, here's your cliff's notes:

"Where's the mention of the Atonement? Of Jesus Christ? Of our Heavenly Father? Faith in oneself is nothing without Jesus."

FUCK. THAT. Y'ALL.

It made me so mad.

On a related note, there's the idea I've ran into all my life--Mormon and not--that if I just gave my anxiety to god he'd take it away.That I lacked faith if I couldn't or "wouldn't." Even my father, who knows how awful our condition is, gives some credence to this idea.

Dad, Dad, Dad.

He of all people ought to know better. I think he has an inkling, but we know how hard it is to deny lifelong teachings. You tell yourself that even though life is hard--nay, damn near impossible--now, it could be tragic if you changed anything.

But God doesn't take anxiety away. He adds to it.

Just because you walk away from God doesn't mean the anxiety and bullshit goes away with him. Not entirely. I've this sneaking suspicion that it's because God doesn't exist. It has nothing to do with God or his religions. It has everything to do with chemicals and constructs and how your brain is structured.You only have so much control, but you do have some control. I've learned this and am still learning this, and it has nothing to do with God.

Learning that you're worth it gives you faith. Denying your problems don't work. Trusting in God and not in yourself doesn't work. At all.

There's something amazing about the process of discovery of your own worth. That you, not God, can do it. That you, not God, did it. All because you believed in yourself. That's powerful. That's hope. That, y'all, is harder than belief in the divine.

Santorum. And other things.

As soon as I can get my ass in gear I plan to post on my ever evolving views on what marriage ought to be. In other words, not what the LSD church teaches you it is. Perfect perfect must be perfect everything must be perfect and god forbid you ever disagree or argue or anything.

You get the fucking idea. I've done so much thinking about it. Eric and I get along and we're best friends in a lot of ways, but there are secrets--at least on my end.

I'm just...finals. I've so much re-reading to do, revising, self-quizzing, bullshit like that. Next Wednesday I'll be free. For the most part.

But for today, do me a favor. Allow me a moment of total immaturity. Today I will be 12-years-old. I was already told this was "old news" but I didn't know. Not until Jon Stewart told me! (I get my news from Jon Stewart)

Google "Santorum" for me. Or, I guess, lemme do it for you.

Not "Rick Santorum"--just "Santorum."

Yes, he's a Republican which makes it all the more giggly.

Doesn't help that his name rhymes with Dick.


Oh! Okay. Real quick. So I went to my daughter's class today to bring her class birthday cupcakes. While they're outside eating them, one particularly chatty and very chill little girl looks at me and says, "You're supposed to be in my church, aren't you? But you don't come."

"Nope," I said.

So fun to have little girls who inadvertently spread teh guilt. I'm not worried about myself, but the kids. Just what they need. "Uhm..." There are so many mormons at this school, in this city--she's been asked this question and variations on it so often this year. Her best friend asks too, especially once our names were read in what-would-be our new ward. "Why don't you come?"

You think she knows? No. Because we're not sure how to say "because it's all bullshit" without passing on the message that her family and friends are ridiculous.

Although one time I did lose it a little bit in a surprising fit of "because church [any church] makes mommy and daddy feel icky and unhappy and bad about ourselves." Which isn't the entire reason, but a big one.

Which leads me to our local Methodist church sign: In order to make God greater, you have to be less.

O_o?

I don't get it.

The new movement (if you want to call it that) on Facebook is to send your panties to John Boehner for women's reproductive rights.

I guess I don't get the connection.

Then again, facebook movements aren't exactly known for their logic, especially given the fact that tossing your panties at a man is generally considered a bit of a, uhm, compliment. A expression of affection, shall we say.

Really girls? You want to do this?

Have at, I guess, but Johnny might take it as a gesture of approval.

Took me a minute, but rofl

 

h/t The Liberal Life

Summation

This sums it up rather nicely. A book on women, written by 15 pious old men.



h/t USU Shaft

Don't Talk Shit.

I just discovered this gem of a blog. I don't know if its my mood tonight or what but the tone of this blog reads subversive.

LDS (Mormon) Stake Presidents [sic] Blog

And the comments! omg, the comments!

I'm giddy. This is--so far--a fantastic find.

Are you still here? Some snippets:

On vasectomies:

The handbook of instructions is clear on this subject. In the section entitled Surgical Sterilization (Including Vasectomy) it states the following:

"The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control."

I don't see how someone can claim to feel good about doing something that the Church strongly discourages. 

I do!! I do!! Because it's bullshit, that's why!

Further,

The handbook goes on to clarify that surgical sterilization should be considered only if medical conditions jeopardize life or if someone is mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions.

Oh, no he didn't.

And the couple? Puh-lease. They're totally good for more kids, after all:

Wanting to get to the root of the problem I asked them where the idea came from.  They felt that with 1 year old twins and 3 other children at home they couldn't afford and didn't have the space for more.  Frankly I am disappointed at their lack of faith.  As prophesied Satan is deceiving the very elect.

This cannot be for real, y'all. It can't.

...right?


(oh the sign of good satire: you just dunno)

Stupid Argument

I just read this one:

A little boy writes God a letter. "God, why do you allow bad things to happen in schools?" God replies, "Dear son, I am not allowed in your schools."

I've heard this a few times but the full impact of its stupidity just hit me now. The first time I heard this, I, too, felt it was powerful. The more I heard it, the less powerful it became. And now it's just stupid.

God stays out of schools because he's not allowed in them? Some powerful god, more concerned with carnal policies than in being there for his children. Priority FAIL.

Also, if only good things happen where God is "allowed" as this meme alludes, can we then conclude that god really isn't allowed in other places, homes, etc? I'm pretty sure there are faithful people to whom bigger atrocities occur than "no [TEACHER LED] prayer in schools." I also know that good things--great things--happen where god isn't allowed.

Really, folks. You can do better, can't you? If anything, this only serves to prove the point.

Ignorance

I'm still sick. Pretty sick.

Pret-tay, pret-tay, pretty sick.

Anyways, I ran into this the other day:

NPR: New Edition of 'Huckleberry Finn' will Eliminate Offensive Words

Yes, please. Let's breed some MORE fucking ignorance, shall we? This coming from the people who call liberals too concerned with being politically correct. This likely coming from the same people who would rather teach our kids abstinence way before methods of safe(r) sex. This is unbelievably condescending.

Ignorance is bliss. Except it's not.

Patriarchal Blessings

So glad I'm not alone.

Then again, had I KNOWN I wasn't alone at the time, I might've gotten the fuck out a lot sooner. Then again, I wouldn't have met Eric.

I swear, it's all sorts of fucked up.

For those who may not know what a patriarchal blessing is, in each stake there is one or two generally old men who are "set apart" to be the Patriarch. One of these old dudes gives what is often referred to as a personal scripture to each worthy member of the church after an interview with their bishop who determines worthiness. I think new members have to wait at least a year. So this "blessing" tells you about who you were in the premortal existence, what lineage you can claim re: the 12 tribes of Israel, warnings to watch out for in the present time and what you can expect in the future. If, say, your blessing promises you a marriage to a worthy woman which results in many children and you--gasp--don't get it (also counts for going on a mission), it is rationalized that you will receive such things in the afterlife.

So lately I'm reading a lot of other people's accounts of how their patriarchal blessings began with a fairly long "interview" where the almighty patriarch (he who is endowed--teehee--with the ability of a psychic to know my past, present AND future) before the actual "blessing"

The entire time I'm speaking with this man I'm thinking "wtf, are you serious? this is very weird." I KNEW I was in effect giving this man the answers before the test. This feeling was verified during the actual blessing as I was told all the same shit I just told this guy. Nothing--nothing--was new to me.

I was so pissed for years after this. Just pissed. I was in tears. I wanted to tell somebody, but that's just not an option. It's supposed to be just for you, nobody else. You can give away a few things here and there in the correct setting, but never ever share the entire thing with anyone other than your parents and/or spouse.

I should post it. I should. Maybe another time. Oh wait, I did!

And I understand that this may be nit-picking and rather punctuation-crazy of me (although I understand I'm not perfect at this either), but I couldn't believe the errors once I received my printed copy. Shouldn't something of this importance be, you know, professionally transcribed?

Every time I read it I wanted to cry. It just made me so angry. Once I married Eric I was happy to show him and confess, finally, that I hated it. I hated it more once I read his. He loved mine, though, and I could never figure out why. I loved his. I don't remember why. It just seemed better in a lot of ways.

I felt robbed. Any asshole can ask a few choice questions and them "predict" shit. Also, when all else fails just say this person is of the tribe of Ephraim and make some shit up when that person's other family member is of the tribe of, say, Benjamin (it's supposed to be a blood thing--if you're Jewish you'll be assigned to the Judah--I think. Correction?)

It's fucking ridiculous.

Now that I've posted it, you can see it at My Patriarchal Blessing

Red is bad, esp on Christ

Once upon a time some years ago, probably nine or so, I sat in my institute class like a good girl and listened to the lesson. Our instructor presented to us the picture of Christ at the door.

"What sorts of symbolic things do you see here?"

"There's no doorknob!" one particularly astute student said as if he, or anyone else in the room, had never seen the fucking picture before let alone was ever involved in a discussion about it. A million times over.

"That's right, what do you think that means?"

Blahblahblah. I raised my hand. "Christ is wearing red, symbolic of power."

His face sobered. "Now let's be careful with that, Lisa."

Just in time for Christmas.

I'm cat sitting for my MIL this week and decided during my last check-in with him to peruse through their deseret catalog for giggles. Ugh.

Didja know how AWESOME Tom Monson is? If not, someone wrote all about it. Snore. These biographies are probably the worst ever. Tell me Tommy smoked a joint at the age of 16 and I might reconsider my stance, though chances are he told on some kid for smoking and called him to repentance or some bullshit like that. SEW PURE AND RITECHOUS he was made bishop at 22!

Did you know that? because I think everyone on the fucking planet knows that by now. Maybe Tom hasn't had enough praise for such an amazing accomplishment. Let's all pat him on the head until he feels sufficiently acknowledged.

Not fair? Maybe. I just don't understand why this is such a big thing. Who in their right mind wants to be bishop at 22? Y'all, I don't know of many men that age in the church who've finished school at this point.

But what is school, yeah?


Then there's a book out there called "The Time Starved Family"

As a mother of seven children, DeAnne Flynn has experienced firsthand the challenge of staying balanced in a world where jam-packed calendars have taken a huge toll on family time. The sixteen practical ideas in this book will help families break out of the hectic, overscheduled, underconnected way of life that has become the norm for both parents and children. Her sensible and realistic approach will help relieve anxiety, encourage self-reliance in kids, and restore order and simplicity to daily family life. Isn’t it time to refocus your energy on the best choices for your family?

DeAnne, if I may call you that, I could've written a pass-along card on this shizz. Sixteen practical ideas to save time and use what you have more wisely? I have just one:

Get yo ass out the church. 


THEY HAVE MISSIONARY ACTION FIGURES.

How would you play with your figure set? Perhaps the missionaries, starved of human affection...well. When there's no Barbie, Ken will do. I've yet to find a man who doesn't look super hot in a suit. 

Unfortunately, I can't find any sister missionary action figures. Lame.


Then there's this beauty: Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

Yeah, pretty much. Although I'd change this title to "Ask some questions, change your life." Change Your Questions sounds pretty tricksy to me, like another strategy missionaries would use.

Wait. They already do.

Investigator: "I asked God if the Book of Mammon Mormon was true, but I didn't get an answer."

Missionary: "Did you ask right?"

Investigator: "Huh?"

But seriously, some examples from the book:

• What is on my premortal list of “Things to Do While on Earth?” (Uhm...?)
• What is the one question I most need to have answered from the scriptures today? (Horses in ancient America, fer realz?)
• How can I be more of my true self at the end of this experience? (GTFO, that's how)
• Whose agenda is this supporting? (duh, the liberal/gay agenda)

The Messiah Series.

I actually like these sorts of books. I'm interested in scholarly insights into the life of Christ, and these books look respectable and "thorough" enough for LDS standards (I did enjoy Jesus the Christ--one of few times I didn't feel spoken down to)--but then I saw the author. Bruce R. McConkie.

LDS interpretations of Christ's life are bad enough, but dudes.


Then there are all these books and whatnot about how awesome women are--I'll say it again: If you find yourselves having to convince the women of your church that they are teh awesome, something is wrong.


And to end along the same fucked up vein as my last point: I want to cry when I see a copy of "Emma Smith: My Story"

Because it's not her story. It's just not.

Meaningless LDS Memes: Are you Christian?

Okay. I'm on a rampage, apparently. Just discovered that my old Institute "support specialist" (ie: secretary) has a profile on Mormon.org. The link to it is unnecessary to this post, just know that one answer provided inspiration.

Question: "Are Mormons Christian?"

Member: "Of course we are! Duh, it says Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints on all our church buildings."

While not perfect, this answer strikes me as analogous to "I'm not racist, I have a black friend."

That answer doesn't mean anything.

But, you know, whatever.

dum dum dum dum dum

HONEST. TO. GOD.

I just read this on a friend's facebook wall and it reminded me of so many other encounters I've had with friends of my own. Names are withheld. I imagine many of you will have your own stories to share and so this will hardly be unfamiliar.

I don't know you. My son-in-laws are wonderful parents and I love them very much! They were not given the blessing of being raised in the church, so they don't have the wonderful plan of salvation in their lives yet (i always loved this little addition of "yet"). Some learned and have accepted it , and some are still learning. I do want a forever family with ALL of my children and grandchildren, This only comes with the gospel, nothing else will get us there. I hope only you and [redacted] all the best. I love her and only want the things she desires the most for her. I am sorry [redacted] you felt I was attacking you, I sincerly [sic] am sorry if you felt this way. I know how hard it is to live in this crazy world and not have doubts. But I know I could not face it with out the joy of the gospel to make it to the end. Enduring to the end is so hard, we all struggle with trials. May you find peace, and I do love you even if you don't believe it. I know [redacted] loves you and she is a wise woman. So looked to the coming season of peace and joy and may God bless you!

It's an art form, I swear.

(H) provided me with much fodder, and until just recently I just had no idea her knee-jerk reactions and passive-aggression was so common in the church (duh, says Eric). She demonstrated as such in many emails, blog comments, and fb wall posts. An example can be found in her response to an early post I wrote back in 2008 on Liberal Mormon that Could entitled "This is what it's about"

So Lisa, I've been thinking of your blog, and a funny thing happened. I was talking to some friends and every single one of them plus some family members have had their signs stolen. Signs that are yes on prop 8. I'm wondering what your take is on these few thoughts and then I have to get my kids into bed. The people who are taking these signs are obviously not in support of prop 8. This is a coordinated effort on some level, all over town signs are being stolen from peoples yards. Here is my question. If people are willing to come onto my property and take something because they feel strongly about it, even though it seems harmless enough what about if prop 8 fails. What if a certain church still refuses to recognize or perform those unions. Do you honestly think that the church or congregation that attends would be left unscathed from grafitti [sic] or I don't know harrassment [sic]? This is only one of the ways this will affect church members and it's not pretty. If they are willing to steal, what else might they be willing to do with "the law on their side?" What is your opinion? I'm really curious! Even though I disagree, I really enjoy reading your thoughts when I can. Maybe you could use your obvious talent for writing in defence [sic] of the church or maybe sharing your testimony, I bet you would make grown men cry by using your talents in such a noble way!! You truly have a gift not just for writing but for organizing your thoughts. Bravo!!! Ohhh... are you going to stake conference? I'll look for you if you are!

Went from some weird, accusatory diversion with absolutely ZERO logic from the original post to a "hey, you are so awesome and so talented--could you maybe use that for the church? See you there!"

Hey, fuck you.

And uhm, how did she do that? Because I'm still kicking myself for placating her in a following post. WTF did I feel I had to prove? She's tricksy, she is. All of them are if you don't realize what's going on.

Later, and I'm not sure when and I don't want to peruse all my old posts for it (there are many) but at some point another girl in my stake popped in out of nowhere and said "Now we're not all that bad, are we?"

I mean, really? REALLY?

The nicety thing is a diversion. Someone calls them on something and suddenly it's "can't we all just get along?"

Then there are the people I'd known for years, people who were my closest friend at one point, people like Squeaky, who cover their ears and say they can't talk to me anymore. I'm not sure which one I prefer the most. I actually have some respect for (H) reading my stuff even after it was clear I wasn't going back. Then again, a few months ago she asked for my blog address she had since lost with an immediate follow up of "but I can't handle it." Kind of like how she defriended me and then later asked, after I informed her she could've just "hid" me (which is what i did to her b/c i did care about keeping up but my blood pressure couldn't handle constant exposure to her ignorant bullshit--she feels the same way about me), "hey i'd like to be fb friends again. could you remind me how to 'hide'?"

Uhm, no.

I haven't responded to her latest email following my son being in her nursery class. She lauded me for having such a great boy and how I "must be doing something right." I want so much to give her the benefit but after all our encounters it just screams bitch. Like she meant "for an apostate." Who knows. I think she's more concerned with me not liking her than anything else, and I'm tired of that game. I've told her a few times we're fine but she keeps it up and by doing so makes things not so fine. Lady, I got other people to baby. I'm not going to bother with a grown woman who insists that everyone on the fucking planet likes her so she can feel good and sew ritechous because everyone, even the sad apostates, like her. Her niceness isn't genuine though I'm sure she thinks it is. But it's not. It's another form of emotional and mental manipulation, and I'm done. I deal with enough of that from my own non-member family, thx, enough to merit therapy.

But I'm sure y'all have similar experiences of super nice "friends" but their words are laced with a tinge of...what is it.

Bitchiness. That's what.

It's a missionary response. See also Eliza Snitch's post, "quaint correspondence." Same shit.

I hate missionary responses. I've heard enough of them. I hated them as an investigator. I hated them as a member, especially when I was asked to perform for an investigator or "inactive" member. Jesus. I'm sure I did it a few times, but for the most part I just wanted to scream.

My Idea, Part 2

I did my thing. And I immediately had a sort of panic attack about it--which is entirely too par for the course this week.

A few days ago I signed up to have my status hijacked by the Human Right's Campaign. Three times they did their whole "NCOD is coming up, here's a little bit of depressing and enraging trivia about society's treatment of GBLTQ people."

I decided that, today, I'd just put my little announcement up as a comment to that. Which means I couldn't privatize the status.

I freaked out, totally regretted it at first. Because, you know, I don't think I want my stepmom to see that. She might ask about it in her own little "hahahaha, lisa, are you kidding? want a girlfriend lisa? hahaha" and will never fucking leave me alone. Which means I'll have to say something rather cutting because sometimes that's the only language she understands.

And then other people, like my dad, will find out and who the fuck knows who else. I don't necessarily care if my sister finds out, but shit. My dad can be an ass about this stuff.

Thought about deleting it. I'm over that now.

Honestly I was thinking about not doing it after all.

I'm just not that brave, y'all. It seems I am a bonafide wimp. And it's not like I'm saying "Hey, I dig chicks and not dudes"

Nonono. Just "Hey, I dig dudes for the very most part, but every now and again I have crushed on a girl."

WHY IS THIS A BIG DEAL?!

Seriously, I checked out the Mormon Missionary calendar the other day because I've never really looked at it. Some of those guys--not bad, not bad at all. A few of them /fans self.

The women? None. Meh. None are my type.

That said, check out Kiley's post over at We Were Going to be Queens (loooove the title). I guess there's something about how your index finger compares to the length of your fourth finger. If yr index is shorter than yr fourth, all signs point to some degree of gay. Mine is just a little shorter.

I'll give you a minute to check your own fingers.

Either way what I did was initially terrifying. I'm getting over it.

Also, I'm not sure if I'm a 1 or a 2. It's hard to say. I put 2 though. Then one. Ugh. I don't know if I wanted to say that because it's less terrifying or because it's actually true. Hard to say. I can only think of 3 girls IRL I've been really attracted to in my entire life, enough to be considered a bonafide crush (and I still feel like I need to say this: IT IS NOT YOU) and a few celebrities and whatnot. It didn't start until high school and then I spent a good part of my life in the crutch where I just rarely thought about it because it's badbadbad. So it's hard to say.

Hm.

I think I'm a two. I think 1 is more "eh, maybe once."

It's a bit more than that for me.

This was supposed to be a step in the direction of a greater acknowledgment of self. Publicly. You know, be proud. Stand with my friends. Who the fuck cares. Lookit all the preaching I've done.

I feel a bit pathetic, but at least I'm working on it.

patriotism = god

Just because I don't know yet how to take a proper screenshot to send to STFU Believers, I wanted to share this with y'all.

A friend on Facebook wrote this status the other day:

I pledge allegiance to my Flag and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. - Francis Bellamy, as originally written in 1892

Knowing this guy's politics pretty well and resting assured he knows how I feel, I replied:

Wow. You really don't love your country.

A woman responded:

No but he loves all the freedom it brings him. (;

O_O?

I just...just..

what?

You gotta acknowledge god in order to love your country?

I was just joking.

She wasn't. And the terrifying/sad thing about it is that she's not alone.

I mean, seriously.

These sentiments presented and pushed by people like the unofficial prophet Glenn Beck and his fellow tea baggers just freak me the fuck out.

Turn back to god, they say. That'll save our country.

FROM WHAT?

I don't want your god running my country. He's a fucking power-hungry, narcissistic, racist, hate-filled, misogynistic, privileged lunatic if you people are in any way representative.

No.

No Patience.

I'm finding my bitchiness has really come out over at Main Street Plaza as of late. I love the site. I really do. I just find that my patience level is slim to none for some of the recent post threads.

First it was the call for answers to yet another member who asked the predictable bullshit question:

"If you don't like the church, why do you insist on talking about it?"

My answer was an exhausted, annoyed, and pissy "fuck off."

...Okay. I didn't quite say it like that, but it was the general sentiment. I don't know what the protocol is on swearing at MSP, and I tend to flirt with the line as it is.

But seriously, I'm tiiiiiiiiiired of those questions.

"Oh god! he's right! maybe I have a super-sekrit love with the church and a REAL TESTIMONY and i'm just hiding it behind all this hatred."

There is no satisfactory answer for these people, and I'm tired of trying to play the nice girl. I don't need to explain myself. I find they just want to corner me. It's a "gotcha" question, and a really lame one at that.

Then another guy came on later, an older guy--convert of 35 years, he said. The topic was Prop 8 and the letter to BYU's Daily Universe where the author argued members should just admit their only rationale for supporting the prop is because "the prophet hath said." As many of you know, the letter was quickly pulled (it offended the right people), but this MSP commenter had all sorts of vitriolic things to say regarding gay marriage and the homosexual community.

I about lost my shit. I wasn't going to at first, but then I read his comment again and couldn't help myself--but! i did make a very concerted effort to not lose my shit too much. MSP is not my house, y'know?

Arrogant, self-righteous ignorance of that degree pisses me off. And I am done being patient with assholes, so I let him know. I held back as much as possible, but I let him know.

I don't think he ever came back to even read the responses (at least he never responded again to my knowledge), but still.

A quick aside: I used to tell people, in an attempt to be conciliatory, that it was "cool" for them to believe gay marriage is wrong, but to at least be honest about their reasoning for being against it and to stop hiding behind ridiculous, baseless arguments. I refuse to say that anymore. There is no reason to be against gay marriage or to be homophobic in general, religious or otherwise. It would be like if I said "it's cool for you to be racist, just be honest about why you are."

No, no, no. It's JUST. WRONG.

Anyway. I have no patience for jerks/trolls/zealous Mormons anymore. None.

So the latest post at MSP is regarding Matthew 22:23-33 (30-33 here):

30 For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven. 31 But as touching the resurrection of the dead, have ye not read that which was spoken unto you by God, saying, 32 I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living. 33 And when the multitude heard this, they were astonished at his doctrine.

The question at MSP is: is the Mormon interpretation of this even logical given the scripture, or another instance of a concerted effort to match one instance of biblical scripture to LDS doctrine? Mainstream Christianity interprets this scripture as "nobody is married in heaven. period."

My first response was that I liked the Mormon interpretation, strained as it might be. I like the idea that my husband and I would be married (or at least together) in the afterlife, should there be one. It doesn't seem fair that we wouldn't be. That said, I don't believe that we need some sort of special wedding in order to make that so.

But as the discussion continued, I began to think: you know, I just don't give a shit anymore.

It all just makes my head hurt.

Stupid Mormon Words

The church loves to wax poetic with increasingly meaningless and even archaic words and phrases. This is stupid and unnecessary--not to mention causes great annoyance and offers reason to roll eyes and shut the rest of the talks out of your head.

It does a good job of homogenizing the members, and I totally get that every group has its own little vernacular. Still--really?

When you speak, especially when you "bear your testimony" (ugh), words such as the following are often used and IN SUCCESSION. They take away the sincerity of what you are saying.

To quote my English teachers: Use your own words. Please.

Also: List will be added to, so check back often.

Adversary: I swear it's like the people in Harry Potter who were too scared to say "Voldemort."

Say "Satan."

(not three times, tho, because then he'll pop through your mirror and eat you alive.)

Just sayin'

Adversity (see also "trials" "tribulation"): Shit happens. Just say it.

Bosom: Are you serious? I'm not entirely certain what a "bosom" is. And lots of things give me a burning inside my "bosom"--gorgeous, nekkid men for instance. That must mean they're true.

Brethren: I believe this is synonymous with "pious old guys with power issues"

Calling: This word implies something of great importance, such as being called to a lifetime of service and chastity (such as the nuns), not of being the new ward "usher" until the bishop or whoever else decides you're needed elsewhere. You know? (Thanks, MC). Let's just say "responsibility" or "(not so) fun thing I'm doing because I want/have to help"

Every Fiber of my Being (see also: "And please bless that those who could not be here today that they may be able to come next week"): Self-explanatory.

Fervent: Can't y'all just say "I prayed super hard"?

Fornication: A friend of mine taught me that this is incorrect. The correct spelling and pronouncement is FUNication, which obvs changes the entire meaning.

Goodly Parents: What about those kids born of "badly parents"?

Happiness: I know this isn't exclusive to LDSisms, but really. They use this word but I do not think it means what they think it means.

Inappropriate: If you laugh when your best friend's mother dies, you may be acting inappropriate. A teacher in a micro-mini with a top on the verge of a "wardrobe malfunction" is inappropriate. A married man or woman engaging in heavy flirting or having an affair: inappropriate (not to mention disrespectful and immoral, I would add). Blatant sexual harassment on the street or in the workplace: inappropriate.

Some things are inappropriate. Not everything.

General profanity among friends is not. Skanky dress on a night out is not.

And if you find something like that "inappropriate," please don't use the word. At least not as freely as you do. It takes away its power. And it's annoying.

Modest: This word sets us girls back about fifty years (at least). Shorts are not immodest. Neither are tank tops. Cute little dresses are cute, not immodest. Multiple earrings are not going to make an investigator think "well, shit. she has two earrings in one fucking ear. I dunno about this religion."

Then again, nothing turns me on more than a nekkid knee.

Don't even get me started on nekkid shoulders. /pant

Moisture: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST SAY RAIN!

Obedience (and its many forms: obey, obedient, et. al.): I'll obey, sure, but only if you give me a doggie treat after.

Ponder: You're not Henry Fucking Thoreau. "Think," "study," "consider," "mull over" and "think really hard" work just as well here.

Preside: Don't you mean "Be in charge of"?

I know, I know. "no, it can also mean 'be responsible for,'" but I'm a grown woman. I don't need my husband to be responsible for me.

Righteous: Only acceptable for use if you're a Ninja Turtle, hail from the '80s and your vocabulary also includes words such as "gnarly" "tubular" and "rad(ical)"

SSA (Same-Sex Attracted): Very PC, General Authorities, Very PC. I know how polarizing (and not to mention *shudder* normalizing) the terms "gay" "bisexual" and "lesbian" can be, so bravo.

Strive(-ing): Doncha mean "trying hard"?

Sweet: My family is not "sweet." Neither is the "Spirit." Dessert, however, is. So is my tooth.

Temporal: TEMP-OR-ARY. Please!

Tender: This word should only be reserved for meat or bruises. Not for use as an adjective for "mercies." Isn't that a little redundant?

I mean, I've never heard of a "bitch of a mercy."

Although, that does sound cool.

True, as in "I know the Church is True": What does that even mean?

(Un)Worthy: Face it, this is a nicer way to say "good/not good enough." Why parse words?


And, to end:

Virtue: So ladylike!


Want more? See also Nails on a Chalkboard: Phrases


Anything you'd like to add?

Teh Gays: Making Life Hard

Pun totally intended.

So I ran across this article at Jezebel.com and began to think. It's a thought I've had before, but I figured maybe some of you would appreciate it and maybe give feedback.

This whole gay thing, yeah? Teh gays. Ruining everything. Trying to even take our marriage. And not even that! What about their deal with bending God-given GENDER ROLES.

I mean, haven't they read the Proclamation on the Family?

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose...By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.

HEL-LO.

Like someone I know said recently, "It's okay to be a boy."

You know, boy. Rough-housing, pants-wearing, rambunctious, sports-playing boy. No sissy stuff. It's okay, just in case you were concerned it wasn't. Because apparently society at large is beginning to say it isn't.

So we had this whole discussion one day in the kitchen of a loved one's home about gender and that was said. Among some other, similar things. Boys are boys and girls are girls. Blue and pink. Guns and dolls. Pants and dresses. Barbies and Spiderman.

It's so easy. But our "progressive" (socialist!) society wants to make it so weird and complicated.

Anyway, I almost--I was a good girl, this was family, they think I'm weird enough--said "There are theories that state gender is fluid."

Oh god, could you imagine?

Anyway, so I'm thinking about this whole gender role thing and how the church applies it to homosexuality (sorry, "SSA").

First, it's two people of the same gender, which is so not what the (current) definition of marriage is.

Second, gay people can't procreate, so obvs they shouldn't get married. But they are having sex. Which is wrong. Obvs. It's not even real sex.

Third, uhm, Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.

Something about Sodom and Gomorrah (so convenient when you don't actually read the story critically)

Paul--Paul said something didn't he? Lovers of themselves? Men lying with other men? I dunno. I thought that was supposed to be about masturbation. Or selfishness. Or something. Whatever interpretation works for the current argument.

And something in Leviticus among stoning women and other such Biblical things.

Ahem. Gender.

So it's much easier to just say "boys" and "girls," yeah? Girls get their own bathroom/locker rooms, boys get their own. You have dorms--BYU notably--where co-ed living is forbidden. In the mission field, boys stick with boys and girls with girls. Elders are not permitted to proselytize with Sisters and Sisters with Elders. Elders are not permitted to visit with a single sister. Same with home teachers. Hell--married people are strongly discouraged from even having friends of the opposite sex.

And why?

Because we don't want any sexy shit going down before marriage. Or outside of marriage.

And here's where teh gays come in (and even more sneakily, teh bisexuals):

Many people, at least in my experience, seem to think homosexuals cannot control themselves. They must have teh sex with anyone warm and breathing, straight or not. This can include children and your little dog, too! So desperate and backwards and evil, teh gays are.

Straight men and women dress in their specified rooms with those of their same gender because nothing weird is going to happen. Other guys won't check out other guys. Women too. There is less of a chance for sexy shit to go down. Less of a chance for sexual harassment.

Clean and simple. Safe. Neat. And celibate. Pure. You know. I mean, it's bad enough to get nekkid around anyone, but sometimes you just gotta. I mean, even back in the day the MTC had open showers. But who's to worry, you know? Just a bunch of guys or just a bunch of girls. Nothing's gonna happen.

Slumber parties, too. Keep 'em contained to girls or boys only and no sexy shit will go down. Probably.

Teh gays ruin all of this. And people would prefer, as illustrated by "don't ask don't tell," to remain ignorant. Because obvs once someone outs themselves, it opens the floodgates for sexy shit to go down.

"Oh, you're a lesbian? I've always wanted to try that, you know. Experiment."

Wink.

"You're gay? So am I. Wanna visit my bunk tonight?"

Nobody wants that.

It goes beyond people being "uncomfortable," which is crap anyway. Heaven forbid somebody's sexuality make you uncomfortable. Heaven forbid you be uncomfortable period!

It's in the Constitution!...somewhere, I'm sure of it.

But is it any different than when a man catcalls a woman and makes her uncomfortable? Not so much. Boys will be boys after all.

Being of African, Native American or of Japanese descent used to make people uncomfortable, too, but most of us have gotten over that. Or so we like to think. You can add Mexican and Muslim (also those of Middle Eastern and East Indian descent) to the list. Anything other than Christian, too, but that's not race. Still, uncomfortable.

If they're not white, they're not right. If they're gay, stay the fuck away.

It's not just the LDS church that enjoys a black and white view of the world. Much of society likes things in their little, pretty, predictable boxes. We don't like to think of girls who like boy things (I was a HUGE tomboy as a kid and still remember an Oprah show where she thought tomboy indicated a future lesbian--from the tone of the show, I thought that might be a bad thing, generalization aside). But even that is ok-ay. As long as they grow out of it.

We REALLY don't like to think of boys who like girl things. Heaven. Fucking. Forbid.

So when we speak of things such as gender fluidity, sexual fluidity, it threatens those who are afraid and don't know any better. Insecure people.

While watching the movie Milk, I was struck by Harvey Milk's idea to encourage every queer boy and girl to come out to his or her family as to destigmatize the gay community. To show straight people that they're not animals. But that is asking a hell of a lot for a hell of a lot of people.

My step-FIL was part of the gay police at BYU back in the day, charged with keeping an eye out for any suspected gay people. Thankfully that doesn't go on anymore (?).

Anyway, once we make gays as regular as anybody else, as accepted, then we have to worry about sex more. What if Susie's best friend is a lesbian and they "experiment" while alone in Susie's room? I mean it's one thing to have a rule to keep a boy out of Susie's room, but what about her female best friend? CAN WE TRUST NOBODY ANYMORE?

What if Elder-so-and-so is gay and gets hard over his companion?

If we can't keep them away (and we can't, they're so goddamn stubborn with their Pride parade and all), we ought to at least silence them. Shame them. Guilt them. Tell them they're bad and their attractions are, if not sinful, potentially sinful. They are defected. It's a cross to bear. We'll kick them out from our families, our homes. We won't recognize their partners. We'll use sanitized terms such as SSA (Same Sex Attracted) instead of gay, lesbian, bisexual. HUMAN BEINGS equal in worth to straight people. We don't define straight people by their orientation (they're normal, after all), but we sure as hell define gay people by their orientation. We don't understand them and we sure as hell don't want to.

If anything else, let's just keep them quiet. Don't ask, don't tell. Ignorance is bliss.

Or, in the case of the Jezebel article I mentioned, make them out themselves to their roomies just in case somebody else might think they'll be jumped in the middle of the night.

Because straight people are never aggressive.

Besides, even if they are, it's okay. Especially if its a boy. They can't help themselves, either. But since they're straight, it's totes okay.

And if not okay, at least understood.

omg

Just discovered an Islamic Center in one of my favorite cities JUST AN HOUR AWAY and, and a--gasp!--mosque in my own town...3000 short miles away from WTC.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?

Have these people no sensitivities whatsoever? I mean, we totally felt the effects of the 9/11 attack over here, too.

I dunno about you, but I feel stabbed. Stabbed!