Santorum. And other things.

As soon as I can get my ass in gear I plan to post on my ever evolving views on what marriage ought to be. In other words, not what the LSD church teaches you it is. Perfect perfect must be perfect everything must be perfect and god forbid you ever disagree or argue or anything.

You get the fucking idea. I've done so much thinking about it. Eric and I get along and we're best friends in a lot of ways, but there are secrets--at least on my end.

I'm just...finals. I've so much re-reading to do, revising, self-quizzing, bullshit like that. Next Wednesday I'll be free. For the most part.

But for today, do me a favor. Allow me a moment of total immaturity. Today I will be 12-years-old. I was already told this was "old news" but I didn't know. Not until Jon Stewart told me! (I get my news from Jon Stewart)

Google "Santorum" for me. Or, I guess, lemme do it for you.

Not "Rick Santorum"--just "Santorum."

Yes, he's a Republican which makes it all the more giggly.

Doesn't help that his name rhymes with Dick.


Oh! Okay. Real quick. So I went to my daughter's class today to bring her class birthday cupcakes. While they're outside eating them, one particularly chatty and very chill little girl looks at me and says, "You're supposed to be in my church, aren't you? But you don't come."

"Nope," I said.

So fun to have little girls who inadvertently spread teh guilt. I'm not worried about myself, but the kids. Just what they need. "Uhm..." There are so many mormons at this school, in this city--she's been asked this question and variations on it so often this year. Her best friend asks too, especially once our names were read in what-would-be our new ward. "Why don't you come?"

You think she knows? No. Because we're not sure how to say "because it's all bullshit" without passing on the message that her family and friends are ridiculous.

Although one time I did lose it a little bit in a surprising fit of "because church [any church] makes mommy and daddy feel icky and unhappy and bad about ourselves." Which isn't the entire reason, but a big one.

Which leads me to our local Methodist church sign: In order to make God greater, you have to be less.

O_o?

Annie on my mind

Over the last few days I've read so many glowing reviews for Annie on My Mind that it's on my summer TBR list for sure. It's a coming-of-age tale of two girls whose friendship turns to love. Their relationship, for various reasons both predictable and not, is forbidden.

So I went to Goodreads to update my list and to read the reviews there. After all I'd heard of this book, these reviews surprised me. Tons (like 85) Barnes and Noble readers give the novel 4.5 stars. Goodreads gives this book about 3. So I'm reading and then, then, I hit this review.

You'll enjoy it. I did.


"Had to read for controversial/banned books lesson for YA lit. class. Review: Dated (1982) book about a girl in high school who falls in love with another girl. Aside from being confused about their sexual orientation, the girls are not very good at practicing restrain or self-control. Personally, a disturbing subject and more so because of the point of view.


...


...Wait for it...


I am forever grateful for my friends in BYU 32nd ward who were with me throughout the day helping me get through this book. It was a serious ordeal for me and their love and support was the only thing that got me to the end." -- Goodreads (emphasis added)

sigh. I'm happy she was able to "get through" her "serious ordeal." Later she says she wanted to read an LBGTQ book, so props to her. Still, "serious ordeal"? I hope she came out with a greater appreciation and less "ew, gross."

(can i also just say that I want to take a YA lit class? PLEASE?)


Anyway, on my TBR list. So many books are. I'm in a little over my head, but oh well. I always romanticize things in my head. Summer will be wonderful. I will stay within a really air conditioned home and read in a quiet room (HA!). I will do all these things. I forget how tired the heat makes me. Or how easily distracted I get.



ALSO.

(Because I posted on it yesterday...)
As for the bin Laden thing: I've heard so many different reactions. Mine, obviously, was one of "glee." We got the bastard! But I have appreciated hearing different perspectives. They made me think and continue to think. Still, as of this moment, I'm glad the asshole is gone.


And for right now, that's all I want to say.

We got the bastard!

Oh. Bring the 2012 elections on, bitches.

Osama bin Laden Dead, Obama to Reportedly Announce--Huffington Post 



and to y'all who are so damn cynical right now:

you are right
this isn't over
neither is the war
something might happen

just have a beer and enjoy the fucking moment. we don't have many happy moments in the news lately.

In the meantime...

Someone on my FB wall actually said she'd totally vote for Trump and a few people "liked" it. I think that's more obnoxious than saying you'd vote for Palin. Be disenchanted with Obama, fine, but for fuck's sake.

I don't get it.

The new movement (if you want to call it that) on Facebook is to send your panties to John Boehner for women's reproductive rights.

I guess I don't get the connection.

Then again, facebook movements aren't exactly known for their logic, especially given the fact that tossing your panties at a man is generally considered a bit of a, uhm, compliment. A expression of affection, shall we say.

Really girls? You want to do this?

Have at, I guess, but Johnny might take it as a gesture of approval.

Teachers and dey bling-bling.

Just sayin'

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Don't mean to brag, y'all, but we got an almost 10-year-old ride. Not to mention the 12-year-old one. Kias, too. We be ridin', they be hatin'.

Oh, Mike.

I don't have a hell of a lot of time to write these days--midterms, fat projects, etc--all while avoiding complete freak outs.

But I saw this.

h/t STFU Conservatives.

Testimony of a Transgendered Child

I'm not all that familiar with transgendered or transsexual people, but it's showing up more and more in the blogs I follow. I saw this video a week or so ago, and it's pretty amazing. The more you learn about the differences between sex and gender, the more you realize this shit is for real. Not that it's our place to decide who a person should be anyway. Thought I'd share:

"My child is gender variant (Transgender) which means that during fetal development there was insufficient testosterone which resulted in the lack of male gender identity markers in the BSTC section of the pituitary gland in her brain. The result is a child who is born a natal male with a female gender identity. Gender exists between the ears, not between the legs." (jabberjawz223, aka super mama. emphasis added)

Ignorance

I'm still sick. Pretty sick.

Pret-tay, pret-tay, pretty sick.

Anyways, I ran into this the other day:

NPR: New Edition of 'Huckleberry Finn' will Eliminate Offensive Words

Yes, please. Let's breed some MORE fucking ignorance, shall we? This coming from the people who call liberals too concerned with being politically correct. This likely coming from the same people who would rather teach our kids abstinence way before methods of safe(r) sex. This is unbelievably condescending.

Ignorance is bliss. Except it's not.

Conservative Faith and the Literate Female

An interesting tidbit I learned a few months ago.

When more opportunities become available outside of child rearing, most women delay motherhood and have fewer children. In fact, birth rates are lowest in countries where income is high and women are provided with education. This information provides a clear direction for public policies attempting to decrease population growth rates: improve conditions for women, including increasing access to education, health care, and the job market, and provide them with the information and tools that allow them to regulate their fertility.*

Makes sense, yeah?

Our planet's population is currently inching (though quickly) toward 7 billion people, and scientists disagree on how much more Earth can take. A U.N. report estimates it is around 10.3 billion--though a theoretical estimate is around 20 billion (briefly, this population of humans, however, would likely require the obliteration of other species as we'd need all the photosynthetic plants we could get--couldn't have competition for resources).

That said, the growth rate is projected to slow down rather considerably by 2050--but this may be an indication we are nearing capacity. I won't go into my amateurish overview of what this may or may not mean, but capacity is capacity. I don't want to be squished--besides not handling crowds well, there are health hazards to be aware of as well that we don't currently deal with. And you know, lack of food and resources because too many of us tend to think we're going to last forever.

But you know, money is powerful. Love of money is the root...ok i'll stop.

So perhaps Gordon B. Hinckley wasn't entirely off base when he said this...shit I can't find the quote (help?). But I do remember him saying, some years ago, something to the effect that in the near future, the population growth will not only steady but decline and we cannot allow that to happen. So, you crazy kids, have more babies. You covenanted, after all.

God will not be mocked.

Anyway, I could go on but this is the basic jist. We're growing too fast and using up far too many nonrenewable resources and those who seem the least willing to accept this are the conservative zionists.

(Hi, Glenn Beck)

While there isn't much concern about the growth rates of developed nations as its the underdeveloped nations that struggle hard with their growth rates re: their quality of life (you know, the ones we're preaching abstinence to), I can't help but think of the LDS and other religious groups such as the Quiverfull Movement who are still working hard on multiplying and replenishing the Earth. So, y'know, keep those girls in the kitchen. Keep building huge families. Education is for teh men.

I realize this is hardly the only reason (if one at all) for the patriarchy, and I'm hardly advocating anything by way of controlling family sizes--but the inherent control factor regarding women concerns me greatly. It's like a few of my commenters said: girls should be given choices. Real ones. Not "You have free-agency ladies, but if you don't do what we tell you to God will smite thee and you'll be unhappy forever for not fulfilling your divine role!" And I wonder now, too, if this education thing is part of keeping the rebellious in the house.

Oh god! If they go to school they'll likely stop having so many goddamn kids! Quick! To the batcave!

SO this crap of barefoot and pregnant, keeping teh house clean and dinners prepared and the kids well-groomed and all that other crap is preached day in, day out. All this bullshit about gender roles has been magnified over the past few years. Women who aren't happy at home stay home because that's "their place." They have no choice, not if they value their eternal souls. And it's not just the Mormons who teach this.

I mean, damn. We're multiplying and replenishing a little too well. They have to know that. Give the girls a break.

What do you think?



*Biology: Science for Life With Physiology. 3rd Ed. p. 355

Just because.

Because I'm doing fine--even good--all fucking day and then WHAM, one little comment or one little whatever throws me back down a hole black enough to scare me. And words elude me far more than I can give justice to in order to explain.

So. This is funny. 

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Open a fucking book, plz.

We elect these people, so today's post title is a reminder to us all, not just the fucktards we put in positions of influence and power.

Global Warming Denier Shimkus Hoping for Top Spot on Energy Committee

Sublinks:

It's plant food ... So if we decrease the use of carbon dioxide, are we not taking away plant food from the atmosphere? ... So all our good intentions could be for naught. In fact, we could be doing just the opposite of what the people who want to save the world are saying.

Yeah, idiot, because plants never existed before humans came around and figured out how to work fossil fuels. Nevermind that fossil fuels are buried remains of ancient plants that have been transformed by heat and pressure into coal and oil. Nevermind that all this bullshit about how we should continue to rape the land for our own benefit is the only way to ensure our quality of life (for how long?) and for our own wallets.

Capitalism, baby!

Why search for better? We're fine just where we are. Anything else is just elitist (that's asshole for "educated").

Even his Bible says otherwise, as to when plants were formed with relation to when humans were formed. WTF?

Oh, but his Bible comes in handy elsewhere:

"The earth will end only when God declares its time to be over. Man will not destroy this earth. This earth will not be destroyed by a flood."

I don't even know where to begin, but I know he isn't the only one sitting pretty in this particular and rather convenient belief. Forget about being stewards of the land--though maybe his interpretation is different. God bless interpretation. Sigh.

And as far as no climatic changes after THE FLOOD, wha?

I don't get this shit. THE FLOOD wasn't a climatic change. It was punishment from God, his wiping out all but one family for the world's unrighteous behavior. God had had enough, so he killed them all. One flood, one month, poof! Hardly a climatic change. Natural disaster, maybe. But as far as we can tell, it wasn't a worldwide event.

The problem is that this sounds completely rational to those who have voted for him. It makes people feel better, I assume, to think they shouldn't have to take jack shit for responsibility for their actions.

I have to wonder if this particular politician believes anything he says. It's akin to my hunch about Sarah Palin: she's not so much stupid as she is conniving. He knows who voted for him. He knows the political demographics of his state, what words would benefit him most for job security. This doesn't make him any better, but I do wonder.

In the end, these people want us to sacrifice for the ginormous deficit by way of cuts to education and whatnot (which is an investment with a return), but they won't fucking cut their own interests. We sacrifice, they don't. We are taxed, they aren't. They want to encourage the fuck up of our world because their God is totes cool with it. They refuse to consider what is best because that takes work and compromise and a goddamn release of their own stubbornness and pride. We're supposed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, but don't ask them to. They're not there to work. They're there to make ridiculous postulations about things they know nothing about to satisfy their base and special interests in order to secure their job once elections roll around again. Money, honey.

Also, South Park may make fun of hybrids and "smug" (they are no respecter of persons when it comes to satire), but I cannot tell you how many people I know and love who laugh at that because it's so true. In the interest of disclosure, I laughed too. But I laughed because it's fucking South Park and "smug" never got anyone anywhere. But that's not to say everyone concerned about the environment is smug. Just trying.

On Stewardship

I don't know how I'm going to get through 12-16 units of school if I keep blogging when I ought to be studying.

But this is school related, sooo...

We've watched "The 11th Hour" over the last two class days, a movie about the health of our planet and how we're severely fucking it up. The first hour pissed me off, it was nothing but a scare-fest. "We're all gonna die! Turn into Venus! Ahhhhh!!" I realize it was a matter of convincing otherwise skeptical viewers that we really are headed up shit creek without a paddle fast, but still.

The second hour, of which we watched today, was more about what we can do.

People, the more I learn the more helpless I feel. Ever heard of liberal guilt? I hadn't until just a few weeks ago. Y'all, I got it. Bad.

Urban Koda talked a little about this the other day, how he wants to do what is best for our world and the animals and the people in it but just can't fucking afford it. You want to spend the extra cash on sustainable, grass fed beef. You want to buy the free range eggs (even though it's not necessarily better because it's not necessarily "free range"), you want to buy organic. You want to buy recycled. But in the end, you just can't afford it. Food is not all we need. We have kids, we have houses that need to be fixed up. We have places to go. So what do we do? Head over to Walmart, that's right. Cheap cheap cheap.

We do what little we can. I use cotton bags now. I buy products with the least amount of packaging, the most recyclable packaging. We've replaced all of our lightbulbs. We have the most energy-efficient windows on the market. When we can, I buy organic/natural. We've cut down on the number of times we eat out. If we had a decent farmer's market (we don't) that lasted longer than 6 weeks (we don't), I'd be there in a hot second.

But like I said, we don't.

I'd like to buy fruits and veggies in season, but I don't know what they are, what to do with them, and--worst of all--I just don't have the palate for many fruits and veggies. I'm a 12 year old. When summer hits, fruits and veggies are one of the few things I'm happy about: Strawberries, pineapple, peaches/nectarines, decent tomatoes (I swear to god I'm growing my own goddamn tomatoes next summer, whether or not our backyard is done), grapes, zuchinni and squash, peppers, melon, etc. When winter hits, I'm all about the oranges--but not much else. Even then, supermarket produce kind of bites. Also, Eric is allergic to many fresh fruits and vegetables. Canned it is for him. Or cooked. I do like sweet potatoes. As long as they're sweet.

Sigh.

We're also incorporating more and more whole grains into our diet. But again, I cannot stand oatmeal. God help me, I've tried. Rolled and steel cut, spiced and with fruit, doesn't matter. I hate the texture. Unless it's in a cookie. I sense a common thread here...

Trying to vote with the dollar isn't always easy. I live in an agricultural area and yet there are no small farms around here--wait, scratch that. Next summer I swear I'm going to take advantage of the little fruit stands. They're everywhere.

Alas, I've yet to watch Food Inc., mostly because I know it'll scare me and convince me even further that the food I eat is terrible and ruining everything--but what can I do? Not a hell of a lot.

At least I'm pretty sure I want chickens. Which is funny, because that was one of my mom's ideas about me going Mormon. I'd move to Utah, be one of many wives, and we'd have chickens.

Then, then there's Gasland, an indie documentary about the crisis of natural gas and how the big companies are royally fucking up our soil and our water--not so much my soil and water, but those of certain locales. It's so bad in some areas, where wells are drilled mere meters away from a house, that they can literally light their kitchen sink water aflame.

I decided after seeing that documentary that I don't really need my gas stove. That said, I realize electricity is derived from fossil fuels, so you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. But I don't need my gas stove. And, once we can afford it (which shouldn't be too much longer), we are so getting solar panels installed.

So, I mean, there's not a hell of a lot I can do. I'm feeling guilty enough about having to drive 50 miles three times a week for school--it's not like I can take a bus or ride a bike or walk. Carpool, maybe, but there are trust issues involved. And timing as well. It is a very green school, though. Green town. So, so, so many bikes.

Anyway. Here's the crux of the issue today, all of this aside:

My professor asked a very unresponsive and seemingly disinterested room why nobody in a position of power is listening to all of the evidence regarding climate change and sustainability and what we can do to be more eco-friendly. I wanted to raise my hand because I had an answer, but it would likely piss people off. He went on to say it had a lot to do with money. Corporations are now legally considered individual entities, with the rights and powers of a single voter. They give millions to politicians, propositions, etc. for their own financial gain and the politicians accept it because they want to win. Money money money. Capitalism at it's fucking finest.

My answer, however, was that the majority of these politicians who take this money are not only seeking out their own gain so they can do what they feel will better the economy--which is important--but because their constituents, if not the politicians themselves, are Christian.

Now, hold on. This is not a dog on Christianity. Entirely. But conservative Christians, at least the ones I've ran into and know, feel climate change and eco-responsibility are myths. God gave us this world and whatever is in it is to be used for our good. Why would god allow our land to reject us? Then you have assholes like Limbaugh saying shit like the oil spill is no biggie because oil is natural and water is natural. Never mind the scope of the problem. Or that they feel marijuana may be "natural" but that doesn't mean "good." You know?

Nobody remembers the bit in the Bible about our being stewards of the Earth. Everyone thinks and has thought for years that our resources are unlimited, that God would never ever let us ruin the land we live on. That god, therefore, gives more a shit about our bottom line than the fact that your tap water is flammable. Undrinkable. Can't even take a shower in it. That things like this seep into the soil, make its way into your food when the cattle eat off it. They don't see the balance because as many of them see it, we are the ultimate. Nothing can happen to us. We are eternal.

There's a balance between our economy and our home. I'm not vilifying the economy entirely, just that whole "love of money" thing. I mean, look. My family needs more money if we're going to consume better. Which is wrong, but it's reality.

So maybe I'm just looking for it, but I'm angry at religion today, at least mainstream Christianity--and yes, you could include Mormonism in there too. They speak about taking care of the earth with their lips but that's about it, and then only when it looks good. Otherwise, it's elitist to be concerned. It's faithless to be concerned. It's "stupid" even to do what you can. Eric got so much shit for using a push mower. People don't get it. They don't want to listen. They think all of this is a hoax, indoctrination, godless. It's beyond me.

We're such an incredibly smart (forgive me) species. We've taken ourselves to the moon, put satellites in space, created microchips so small I don't understand how one can see it--we have the ability to change our technology with regard to energy and yet we don't because we need the money. We need the job. We pander. We are willfully ignorant. We don't care.

And we don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I'd love to change the world, but I feel paralyzed and helpless. Tired. Pulled in fifty different directions--where do I start and when do I stop?

I think we need to start with a younger generation. My sister is getting the clue despite her upbringing. They're the ones willing to listen. They're the ones with the energy. They're the ones not caught up in a life that took them for a ride. But we can do it too, little by little. Still, spreading this information is rough stuff. You mention one thing like climate change and half the room tells you to fuck off, god is at the helm. Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow Christ will come and the Earth will be renewed to its paradisaical glory.

We're still waiting.

Click "like" if you agree!

OK, first. I get it. I'm on facebook a lot. You would be too. I do a lot of shit at this computer, both necessary and not. I also find I get along with people better if there's a computer screen involved.

A recent study said regular facebook users are narcissistic and since this study I've heard people saying they would cut down on their FB time.

Dudes, just embrace it.

Anyway, you know those super annoying "likes," right? Some examples:

Dear Lord, please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

Not too bad. A twitch, but not too bad. FSM knows I've a rather undisciplined mouth at times and could use forgiving friends. But you know, ones I can actually see.

Our God is an AWESOME God! Like if you agree!

Uhm, thanks. That song is now stuck in my head (if you haven't heard it, it's pretty much that, repeated.)

If God is for us, who can be against us? Click like if you agree!

A bunch of people, actually.

Anyway, you get the point.

The thing is, I've never seen any that I'd actually like to press "like" on relating to agnosticism/atheism or liberalism. They don't exist that I can tell (also, i'm not big on clicking on these things. i've clicked on about two and then a third I didn't mean to click on because i'm an idiot)

So here are my suggestions:

Evolution is not a 'belief.' It is strong scientific theory. Open a book. Click like if you agree!

I stopped paying tithing and got this great job!

Freedom of religion includes freedom from religion.

I believe everyone has the right to life after they are born.

Missionaries: People who leave their families for two years so they can harass and lie to yours!

If god has ever answered a prayer for you and then later contradicted himself, click like!

Freedom of speech goes both ways, asshat.

Crying doesn't mean you're weak. It means you've been listening to Glenn Beck too much.

If you think God's last name ought to be Dammit, click like!

When Satan comes knocking at your door, don't let him in unless he brought that six pack with him.

Jesus was a heretic bastard who questioned authority, socialized with the sinners, and threw some motherfuckers out of a temple. Who the hell are you talking about?

It's Christmas time! Time to be with family, to embrace hope, be happy and cozy and--oh yeah. Bitch like a 2 year old about having to share your holiday with the Jews and Blacks.

These are half-assed attempts at humor (though I am partial to that last one), but I couldn't wait. Especially after my last few posts.

Any others you'd like to recommend?

Been thinking

I'm starting to think it's about time I stood up for some things. I can do it nicely (sometimes...if I take a day to cool off), but someone needs to make an effort to stop the insanity.

You know?

No more of this unpoliced crap that goes on in church/religion discourse. it's ridiculous.

I need to do my part, and not in a passive-aggressive kind of manner, but in a respectful assertive manner.

If they don't like civilized discourse, then perhaps I'm better off without them.

Otherwise I'm going to kill myself in my frustration and anger, and that's no way to go.

Breaking the rules, breaking the rules

I have so many ideas for blog posts. I think of writing them down but I don't and end up forgetting. Then something else grabs my attention elsewhere and inspires me.

Politeness.

It's a bit hard on this side of the fence. Eric says it's because we're the ones who broke the rules.

After reading this blog post, I think that's kinda the case with anyone who feels the need to be polite.

Who broke the rules?

I broke the rules when I joined the church, especially coming from a WASPy family. My mom and stepdad, the parents I lived with most, never went to church. They tried the First Baptist church, but eventually my mom decided it wasn't for her and the pastor suggested my stepdad follow suit. He later told me he regretted following that advice. At least once after we stopped going there we tried another church, just once or twice, but that was it.

Didn't mean my mama wasn't vehemently against the LDS church. She didn't know much about it, but she grew up in an Assembly of God church and still believed in God and knew, just knew, the LDS church was a horrible place. Sex on the temple altar. You know. Chickens and multiple wives. Godmakers kinda stuff.

I'm loathe to call it "horrible" for some reason, but you know. Depends on the day and the moment. Not like it was all bad. Or is. Like I've said before: generally like/love the people, hate the institution and what it does to those good people.

But either way, mama hated it. My dad and stepmom hated it just as much, but their hatred was a quiet hatred. I was going to hell.

And it wasn't that big of a deal for me. Yes I was breaking the rulez but goddammit, it was about time I did. I figured I still believed in Christ, so what the crap is their problem?

This time it's a little different. I'm grown up. I have kids. I love the family who I'm "spiritually" breaking away from--like, I admire them. I wanted to be like them for a long, long time. I want my kids to be like them (aside from the LDS thing).

I mean, I like these people. I don't want to lose anyone (else). One of them, Eric's sister, used to be my best friend. I want her back, but I don't know if that's possible to the extent I both want and need anymore.

Also, this break is more extreme. When I became LDS I still believed in Christ, even though others said it wasn't the same one. This time I'm saying I don't know God exists and I just don't think about Christ enough to bother with him. That's a biting quite a bit off. That's not being saved.

I still don't get why someone saying "I don't believe in God" even if it is conditioned with a "necessarily" is so scary to people. I mean, there are times when I'm going through a more theist moment while discussing religion with a very atheist Eric and I get really scared.

I don't get it. It's stupid, really, but it's real.

But anyway.

So I get pissed off a lot when I have friends on facebook or in person go all Mormon or zealous Christian on me and post/say crap that just rubs me the wrong way. It's not that they say the stuff that makes me mad, it's the fact that I don't feel I have a place to express my views that are so contrary to theirs.

It's political, too. I have liberal friends on facebook, but they don't live here. Everyone who lives here is conservative and even tea baggerish. They say stuff like "The white male is the most discriminated person in the country right now." (hi, i was chomping my lip off to stay quiet and nice. sooo not the time to be profane and generally out of control like i am when caught off guard like that. what the fuck? for REALS)

Or when they post shit about that stupid doctor's stupid note to the White House about the patient with the gold tooth and nice cell phone with a (gasp!) RINGTONE who was on Medicare, I want to fucking SCREAM.

Much as I wanted to write my own little note or reply or something, I couldn't. At least not right away, because they would be hurt that I would dare challenge their views. I need to give it some time, I feel. I don't want to hurt them.

stupidstupid. I can't help but feel that is stupidstupid.

Because I need to be the nice girl. Always the nice girl.

I'm no longer Christian or conservative.

I broke the rules.

I have to sit back and listen to people say things and I have to smile and nod and allow them their opinion while my opinion has to remain tucked safely in the back of my mouth because god forbid I say anything that doesn't comply with their views. Stuff like "maybe the doctor saved the guy's life and not the priesthood blessing. Let's give a little credit, shall we?"

(Besides, I'm not against believing that a god could inspire the doctor and blahblahblah. Not yet. Still haven't given up completely. Most days. Still rationalizing.)

Or even "hey, have you considered this possibility--maybe the cell phone was a gift, and for god's sake, ringtones cost, like, three bucks a year. Maybe the guy was recently laid off. Maybe he deserves something nice because he works two jobs at minimum wage to support his family because he wasn't given the opportunities you were given. Maybe he just deserves health care despite his fucking gold tooth."

I need to be an example, even though the very idea makes me shiver inside. I need to prove to them that one can be virtually godless and liberal and still have a conscience. I don't want to feel that way, but I do.

I want to keep them in my life. I want their approval.

And I broke the rules.

Besides, can you imagine the conversation that would follow "hey let's give a bit of credit to the doc"? I already know how it would go, and I just don't have the energy for it, y'all. Pointless.

So I censor myself even though I've never much been a fan of it. You know. At all. Makes me feel slimy.

But y'know, friends before idealisms. Especially around here.

I wish I knew where I fit in that equation (me before friends and friends before idealisms?) and that I could find the courage to express it. It's just that I'm alone enough and don't need to isolate myself further. I'd like to think I don't need anyone, but I do. We all do.

patriotism = god

Just because I don't know yet how to take a proper screenshot to send to STFU Believers, I wanted to share this with y'all.

A friend on Facebook wrote this status the other day:

I pledge allegiance to my Flag and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. - Francis Bellamy, as originally written in 1892

Knowing this guy's politics pretty well and resting assured he knows how I feel, I replied:

Wow. You really don't love your country.

A woman responded:

No but he loves all the freedom it brings him. (;

O_O?

I just...just..

what?

You gotta acknowledge god in order to love your country?

I was just joking.

She wasn't. And the terrifying/sad thing about it is that she's not alone.

I mean, seriously.

These sentiments presented and pushed by people like the unofficial prophet Glenn Beck and his fellow tea baggers just freak me the fuck out.

Turn back to god, they say. That'll save our country.

FROM WHAT?

I don't want your god running my country. He's a fucking power-hungry, narcissistic, racist, hate-filled, misogynistic, privileged lunatic if you people are in any way representative.

No.

Gen. Colin Powell on Obama's Faith

I’m also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say. And it is permitted to [say] such things as, “Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.” Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he’s a Christian. He’s always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer’s no, that’s not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, “He’s a Muslim and he might be associated with terrorists.” This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

- Colin Powell, New Statesman - Colin Powell on Obama's Muslim faith

Thank you, Mr. Powell, for saying what I have been either unable or too afraid to say (I admit it).

It's ridiculous that such a hypothetical suggestion ("who cares if he is?") is so goddamn inflammatory.

omg

Just discovered an Islamic Center in one of my favorite cities JUST AN HOUR AWAY and, and a--gasp!--mosque in my own town...3000 short miles away from WTC.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?

Have these people no sensitivities whatsoever? I mean, we totally felt the effects of the 9/11 attack over here, too.

I dunno about you, but I feel stabbed. Stabbed!

Fear and the "Ground Zero Mosque"

I think by now the fact is known that it is not the Muslim people but Al-Qaeda who hijacked and then crashed our planes into WTC. That it is the Muslim people and not Al-Qaeda who wishes to build a mosque near Ground Zero. But people continue to argue and it is completely beyond me. They wish to equate the two and challenge the Islamic religion to do a litany of things to prove their religion is a peaceful one.

It's stupid. And much like those who cannot lay off the whole "Obama is a Muslim" card, this, too, is a political ploy. It, too, is lame and irrelevant. Too many American people--conservatives and tea baggers in particular--seem to be too goddamn lazy to actually look a the facts, a little thing we call a Constitution, their own values and morals or the compassion that's spoken of in their Bible to see that THIS ISN'T AN ISSUE. It's a distraction. There are more important things we need to be focusing on, and we're allowing idiots to turn too many heads for lesser and even nonsensical things.

That said, I know there are good American people out there who believe this is a huge issue with all their hearts. I get that. My father is one of them. But I think it's a matter of lack of knowledge or at least biased knowledge, the likes of which creates fear.

They say this is the Muslim people doing what they do, erecting a mosque at a place of victory over their enemies. But I say again: The Muslim people aren't responsible for 9/11.

A quote I like:

It doesn’t make sense, for example, that Islam would mark a victory over Americans at Ground Zero unless Muslims were terrorists celebrating a terrorist victory at Ground Zero. The word “Islam” has been preceded by the word “radical” so regularly in American media and conversation over the past decade, that “radical” no longer refers to an extremist subset of Islamic adherents, it instead qualifies the entire religion. - Political Labeling and the Ground Zero Mosque

But No Mosque at The World Trade Center Site insists, "If anything, it's a signal to them that they conquered the enemy and are planting their metaphorical flag in triumph."

I wasn't aware they had any sort of victory over us. Have we raised our little white flag? Have we given up? Are we still afraid? Are we under Sharia law? Are women required to wear burkas? Have they taken over our government and our Constitution and killing people here who don't swear loyalty to their religion?

But at least the Right has given up on the idea that building this mosque isn't the Muslim people's "right" to do. When that idea failed, the Right recanted and then worked to appeal to the sensitivity of "peace seeking Muslims" (gotta give 'em credit for acknowledging they exist, though the cynic in me senses a smidge of condescension). The same people--the Right--who laugh at our bleeding hearts are now pleading for "sensitivity."

That might not matter or be particularly relevant, but it makes me giggle.

But it's not about sensitivity or healing or any of that. The Christian people have a long history with the Muslim people. They are at odds, vying to fulfill prophecies and fighting to be right.

But the Right is afraid. And I think it goes beyond that--I think they're also afraid they'll be the minority in either the religious or ethnic sense. Afraid their values are under any more attack than they've ever been--even though our values have changed and for the better. We're a country of peoples who are told that if we are persecuted it is because we are righteous, not at all because we are wrong. They speak of sensitivity but they've little sensitivity to speak of themselves.

It's about being right, and they're too concerned with being right to consider even for a moment they may be wrong, even if just a little.

They don't know how hypocritical they are:

But for the near term, Wednesday night’s meeting indicated that the questions of neighborhood residents may take some time to answer.

Among them: “Is Sharia law better than democracy in your view?” “How do you feel about the role of women in society?” “What are your views on Israel?” “Can you point to any single statement in the Koran that you would consider to be incorrect?”

- Paul Vitello, New York Times "Heated Opposition to a Proposed Mosque"

I would ask these people if their Bible is better than democracy (how many laws are based on what the Bible teaches? slavery? homosexuality?), how they feel about the role of women in society, their views on Israel (a subject I am admittedly ignorant of), and if they can point to any single statement in the Bible that they would consider incorrect.

And truly, though our Constitution (6th article, I believe) calls for no religious litmus test for political office, there is an informal one. Hell be to the person who doesn't believe in the Christian god and runs for office. We want them to swear loyalty or we refuse to vote them in because we are scared of what unbelievers or those of other faiths may do. We may not physically kill those who refuse to swear loyalty to the Christian god, but we have our own methods.

They're scared--which is fine, totally forgivable. The unforgivable part is that they are so concerned with being right they make no effort to learn about these people and their religion. There's no reason to because they are convinced they are right. Further, it's easier to be angry and scared. Better to be threatened and persecuted. It makes them feel powerful. It makes them feel right.

And the scariest part is that there doesn't seem to be much we can do or say to quell these fears because they refuse to listen. If we yell, they yell louder. If we speak calmly and rationally, they dismiss us or fight back with more emotional rhetoric meant to make us cower.

It sounds a hell of a lot like the Church in far too many ways.

They work by fear. They may purport to not, claim to discourage fear, but ultimately they work by striking fear into their peoples' hearts, questioning loyalties. "If you're not with us, you're against us." "If you allow this to happen, the world will fall apart." They call you "anti-American"--an insult, indeed.

Fear is an easy emotion to feel, to spread--especially for those who don't know any better for whatever reason. This is why education is so incredibly important, and I don't see a lot of education in much of religion (note the qualifier "a lot"). The problem is that this brand of neurotic fear quickly spreads and becomes a disease. It has created the worst of atrocities. But we refuse to learn.

It's one thing to be scared of something legitimate--somebody sneaks into your home while you're there. You're Jewish and the Nazis are looking for you. But this, the Muslim people wanting to erect a mosque in Lower Manhattan? I've no reason at this moment to be scared of them. Anymore than we had reason to be frightened and suspicious of Japanese Americans following Pearl Harbor. Or the black people we enslaved by way of divide and conquer so we, the white people, could remain in power.

So these people want the Muslim people--those wishing to erect this mosque in particular--to jump through hoops to prove themselves. These people are treating the Muslims as outsiders instead of as Americans. But it wouldn't matter even if the Muslim people acquiesced, they would ask for more and then more, forgetting the idea that we shouldn't judge or fear a larger group for a few wild cards.

I would think all religions and unbelievers have their wild cards. Communities. Families.

We seem to prefer guilty until proven innocent these days. It makes us feel safer and in control, but it places us at odds with what Christ taught. We're putting justice before mercy.

These who claim to love our country and how it is set up don't seem to trust it enough to protect its people.

So we're scared. And it's not just with the Muslim people (though consider the past between Christians and Muslims). We have an innate need to be in power here--open up a history book and read about how this country began. What we did to have this great land of ours. It's not pretty, and we still haven't really learned that it's wrong. It's as if we need to learn this lesson over and over and over again. First with the Spanish, then with the Native Americans, the African people. Even the Mexican people. We enslave them ultimately because we want power. Because we are scared. Too prideful to be compassionate. To help. To understand.

There is no true power in this brand of fear. Just barbarianism.

Still, they puff up their feathers and tell these Muslim people that they --the so-called "Christian Nation"--are boss and that they need to answer to us. They create campy "six degrees" lists to link the imam of this particular mosque to terrorists--but like Jon Stewart illustrated, you can do that with most anyone including Rupert Murdoch.

Something smells of hypocrite here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.